My 10 min critique: Better hook/ title: I tried for 3 years to get rid of my rosacea & this is the only thing that worked... You are very on the right track with the copy. My suggestions to make it better: - talk more about isolation. How she is embarrassed to go out, how everyone stares at her at work. How at the grocery store she was buying something and the cashier asked her an embarrassing question. How it gets confused for something else (like people think she has X problem instead if they don't know much about rosacea. How she avoids going to restaurants and social gatherings, not just beach. -Tell it more like a story. Have a rock bottom moment. For this you can use one of my ideas above. She had it with this, she went online, she went to the doc, she tries this and that, but those solutions gave her side effects or the problem just came back. And then the accidental discovery moment. A friend at yoga class took her aside and said "you have to try XX". Then shift the story to how she was skeptical but looked into the brand. And the selling point for her was XX mechanism, or how it approaches the problem in a different way. You can tell a quick story about the product. "I did some research and found out it was made by XX after years of working with patients, and it targets the root cause of the problem (something like like, I'm typing this really fast). Explain how it works. "So I figured, what the heck, I have nothing more to lose" and then she tried it and amazing result for the first time. -Then shift the story to how she was finally able to reconnect with the world, with her friends, and do the things she loved again without the embarrassments and the redness. You did this somewhat with the confidence boost BUT. You want to dimensionalize this more vs just say confidence boost. Make the reader feel it, play a movie in their head. -Don't be afraid to make this copy 2x to 3x longer than is.

@Federico Gandolfo There's no answer for this. It depends on the ad format and how much time you got. Is it a native facebook ad where you've a long(ish) text and it reads like a personal story about how someone struggled with a problem, and you can maybe grab a few minutes or longer? Is it a 2 minute video? Do you have a 35 min vsl or or a long form advertorial page? Or is it an image ad on reddit or facebook and you got space for maybe 15 words and an image and you gotta get them to click. If so, try focusing on the big objections one at a time and see if any of them is a big winner. Or the big desires / underlying emotions, or just wacky stuff that grabs them by the eyeballs.

Ok gonna give this a 15 min crit... Headline: I like the private ladies only salon angle. Try to lean more into this theme and cut out the hairstyles for all types part. It's too generic and I think any good hairstylist can style any hair type... Not that I know anything about this niche but I have never seen a hair stylist who only works with one hair type... Lean more into the exclusivity and private theme. The 10+ years of experience can maybe work in the headline BUT I think you should go with the authority angle more. Consider something like... "No Men Allowed!" Says Salon HairByHamda After 10 Years of Specializing in Women's Afro Hair Textures "No Men Allowed!" Says Owner of Private Ladies Only Salon Specializing in Afro Hair Textures I'm not sure what the order of things that the reader will see is (I'm writing this quickly so didn't look at the website) I would put the testimonials a little later in the sequence. Just because I don't want to hit the reader with a wall of text right away. You want to ease them into the copy without feeling they have to put a lot of effort too early. Maybe take a good 1 line from the testimonials, put it into quotes and turn it into a subhead. Talk more about the location and the privacy maybe in the bullet. Try to walk people through the mental movie / experience of showing up to HairByHanda, from start to finish, what they can expect. If you can make the reader picture themselves going there and getting their hair done, you are one step closer to getting them to book the call. I don't know anything about silk presses but I would have a section somewhere that says "We Even Do Silk Presses!" or something like that. Somewhere half way through the copy or a little after half way through the page is where I would put this if the person came to this page after clicking something about general hairstyling vs silk presses specifically.

My 15 min critique... So... the 90 day refund angle is a cool "satisfaction conviction" as I like to call these, but I think you are missing the mark and there must be something else you can use to hook the reader. The father giving his son the rod is also interesting but... this looks like a high tech gadget, if I had a kid, especially an 8 year old or something (like how the kid in the image looks) I would be thinking "can my son really use this gadget, is it kid friendly?). Fathers who are into fishing do want to pass their passion along to their kids so that angle isn't necessarily bad. Maybe a picture of a father fishing next to his son and they are both using this rod. And some kind of angle like, "my son just pressed a button and in 15 minutes caught his first trout <or species of fish common in the geographical region you are targeting>, I couldn't be more proud." Something like how easy it is to use it that the father who has been fishing for 20 years can give this to his son and it accelerated the learning curve, maybe just because it's easier to manage, no tangled wires, something like this. Another angle I would try making a creative based on is the portability. A high tech, professional fishing rod always on hand. Takes up 14 inches, always on hand. I don't know a whole lot about fishing but if I recall, it's about relaxing and stress relief, patience and spending time with family and friends. Also I know this is one of the products for CSA. I just looked the CarryCast site and there is a lot of angles there you can work with. How portable it is, how its strong, the picture of the guy holding a weight with it a angle you can use. How its the same size as a water bottle. The strength and durability of it is something I would lean into if going with the kids angle. Also think more about what "Never Miss Another Cast" actually means. Is it something to do with not having a fishing rod on hand or missing your target location when you throw the line (I don't know fishing language much but you should look into it and speak it in the copy).

Gonna give you a 10 min critique... Subject line: This is too generic. Think about what you can say that the target reader has never seen or heard before. A new way to increase energy based on xx. Something interesting that drives curiosity and implies a benefit. You basically just have a "how I doubled my productivity" headline, worded a little differently. A better angle is something like: "I changing my morning coffee routine and it almost doubled my productivity, here's how..." "I switched to this brand of coffee and all of sudden I'm reading long articles again..." Body: Same issues. You are starting where the reader is, starting with the problem, thinking about "what's in it for them" and that is good... but the solution you give isn't really a solution. You got to make the solution NEW. Something they have not seen or tried before. You gotta tease them about why it's different vs everything they have tried before. Why is this coffee different? Think about whether it's possible to tell a story about it. Stories help make people believe things. What you wrote is OK for a total beginner BUT start thinking about "how can I make it hard for the person to not want to continuing reading" and "how can I make them want to take an action."

Both and you can be a little more technical and mention more numbers when outreaching to the marketing managers.