1. Watch the 90‑second Welcome Video (embedded). 2. Introduce yourself with 3 lines: • Role/industry • One situation you want to de‑escalate • One thing you want this week. 3. Like or comment on two other intros. After you finish, open Communication Fundamentals (Lesson 1) to earn your first points.

The Broad Application of Emotional Validation Emotional validation extends beyond de-escalation to any emotional experience. Douglas’s upcoming book, Empathy Leadership, explores this broader application. Validating emotions, even when individuals are not upset, builds trust, loyalty, and collaboration. Avoiding immediate problem-solving is crucial when someone shares an emotional experience. Michael T observed his own tendency to offer solutions rather than listen. Doug highlights that unsolicited advice is often the worst response. Pegotty Cooper successfully validated a friend’s feeling of betrayal, which was more effective than giving advice. Affect labeling operates unconsciously and impacts individuals without their explicit agreement. Doug demonstrated this by de-escalating an angry participant at a conference through affect labeling. Pegotty Cooper noted a positive shift in deli staff by simply acknowledging a smile. Parenting and Emotional Development Children are born with affect, not emotions, and develop emotional understanding between 18 months and 2 years. The “terrible twos” (extending to threes and fours) is a normal developmental stage for learning to label emotions. Corporal punishment is detrimental, shutting down emotional development and leading to long-term issues. Jim observed his nephew’s parents resorting to paddling instead of de-escalation. Effective parenting involves affect labeling and physical touch. Naming emotions helps children build emotional vocabulary and self-regulate. Physical connection, even a light touch, conveys safety and acceptance of a child’s emotions. Meltdowns are the brain’s way of protecting children from overstimulation and should not be punished. Teaching moments should occur after a child is calm. First, affect label and calm the child. Then, discuss what happened and why it was wrong, explaining how emotions can override decision-making. This process requires consistent iteration over many years. Challenges in Promoting Emotional Competency

Summary Parenting Emotional Validation Discussion Doug and Rina discussed emotional invalidation in parenting, with Doug explaining that many parents feel shame when they realize they haven't been validating their children's emotions. He emphasized that parents should focus on labeling emotions rather than jumping to problem-solving, which is often a subconscious way to soothe their own anxiety. Rina shared her realization about how she had typically focused on problem-solving rather than emotional validation, and Doug encouraged her to view this as an opportunity to learn and implement new emotional skills, both for herself and for her children's future parenting. Affect Labeling for Emotional Validation Pegotty shared a conversation with a client who was concerned about taking his daughters out of state, revealing that the client was experiencing difficulties in communication with his wife and children, who felt invalidated. Doug emphasized the importance of validating children's emotions, noting that affect labeling at a young age can significantly enhance emotional maturity and academic performance by age 12. Michael shared a brief interaction where he used affect labeling with a couple, which was well-received, and mentioned a conversation with a friend where he practiced affect labeling, which his friend appreciated. Grant Allocation and Donor Transparency Michael, the treasurer of a small nonprofit, discussed a situation involving a $20,000 grant where his organization was supposed to receive $10,000. The other agency involved wanted to offset their contributions by taking money from the nonprofit's future funds, but Michael was concerned about transparency to the donor. Doug advised Michael to focus on understanding the donor's expectations and the fiduciary duties of both organizations, using appreciative inquiry and ethical labeling to navigate the conversation. Doug also shared insights from his work on empathy leadership, emphasizing the importance of naming emotions to trigger positive neurological responses.

I taught these simple listening exercises to couples over the years. They report radically beautiful changes in their relationships. Try it out and post your results here.

There are three basic cause of dysfunctional teams: 1. People don’t feel heard. 2. People don’t feel respected. 3. People don’t feel safe. And these inevitably lead to these behaviors: - No Trust - Fear of Conflict - ‘Lack of Commitment - No Accountability - Inattention to Results I watched business teams shout, insult each other, talk over each other, make fun of each other, use sarcasm, bully the weakest members, or just retreat to silence. Just like they did when they were kids. And, I am never surprised. Think about it. Psychologist Virginia Satir once said that 96% of families are emotionally dysfunctional. For example, most families believe that children should be seen and not heard. It’s okay for mom or dad to be angry, but it’s not okay for children to be angry. In fact, angry children are sent away from a dinner table. It is not okay to express feelings, needs, or wants. They are punished for feeling. Children are expected to be obedient and respectful of their parents even though parents are not required or expected to be respectful to their children. When you grow up in a culture or household where emotions are bad and you see emotions causing fights, do you embrace or do you run from emotions? You run! When you grow up in the hypocrisy of respect, where you are expected to obey while you are not heard, listened to, or respected… Do you learn how to respect yourself enough to respect others? No way! When you are shamed for having feelings, do you develop healthy emotional skills? No way! You do the opposite to avoid the hurt and pain. You see, when you tell a child’s brain the story long enough, it doesn’t become a story anymore. It becomes a belief. And so children form beliefs that emotions are bad, painful, and hurtful. They shut down, numb out, and to become emotionally unavailable. It’s the only way they can protect themselves. They disrespect themselves, feeling deep shame and worthlessness…covered up of course, by becoming a perfectionist, a pleaser, an over-achiever, an addict, or deeply self-absorbed.