4/23/2026 Hello. My husband and I have been in this course since early March. This is bound to be long because I’ve been planning to write this post for quite some time, and now I have more to report. OK—here goes, and, believe me, this is mighty uncomfortable. I have had four or five major breakthroughs in the past few weeks. Catherine’s questions bring me back to years—decades--of therapy, group counseling, neurolinguistic work, positive psychology training, intuition training, Reiki healing, and everything else I’ve done. I have examined past trauma, starting in childhood, and including generational trauma, as well as communication and behavior patterns I’ve developed throughout the years (including early marriage and divorce—this is my 2nd marriage), and relationships with both healthy and unhealthy people. What I should do is go back and review notes and journals. I’m remembering snippets from past years when my oldest daughter said, “The closer you want to be, the farther away we’ll go” (or something to that effect), “You are too clingy and needy,” “you don’t respect boundaries,” “I’m very private and you tell people my business.” There is more: “When I was 11, you did this/you said that. . . .” I rarely understood any of that. Of course, I got defensive and then “took it personally,” and that’s what she got stuck on: “You take everything personally.” (And how else would I take it?) I’d even say, “OK, I was a bad mother. So sorry.” (And then cry.) (This came from one daughter—not the other—our oldest, who is now 41.) I just thought it was an odd reaction to my expressing interest in her life and wanting to share. I could never hear this as anything but her pushing me away and criticizing. I felt she was mean and cruel. She has never apologized to me once in her life. (Catherine enlightened me by saying that people who are “perfectionists” cannot apologize. I understand that now, and she IS a perfectionist. Also, I only now understand parts of her life in the past 6-8 years, living with an alcoholic, dysfunctional husband and father of her son/our grandson; he could not hold a job, she brought in the money by working full-time AND operating her own business, driving long distances for work, working nonstop in a very demanding job (with mentally ill criminals), not sleeping. Our grandson would call us at midnight, sobbing and scared. . . . I see now that she was in survival mode. We didn’t even know about the alcoholism—she didn’t tell us—we just knew he was impossible and miserable to us—until shortly before he died last year.

@Sue Amidon Welcome! You’re Safe Here You don’t have to have the perfect words. You don’t have to have it all figured out. If things feel confusing, heavy, or even a little hopeless at times… you’re not the only one. This is a space where you can be honest without judgment, and start taking small steps toward something better. All you need is a willingness to begin. Start where you are: What are you looking forward to the most with a new relationship?

Hello! Every story is unique and I am hoping this program helps me be a better parent for both my adult daughters. My oldest has been “no contact for the foreseeable future”. It’s been a long 18 months. My youngest is very connected but lives over 10 hours car ride away

I came across this in a social media posting just now, and I will not identify the poster, but the bulk of the message is attributed at the end. The timing was good for me. I needed this clarity of thought after a particularly difficult day of ruminating and questioning what I have done to be erased? But it can be difficult to put this into practice even though I know it to be true. "For the soul waiting for an apology they will never get, see Buddha’s fierce wisdom: You were hurt by someone you trusted. They crossed a line, broke their word, or walked away leaving a massive mess behind. And now, you are stuck. You replay the memories in your head every single night. You overthink every detail, wondering: “Why did they do it? Did they ever really care? Will they ever realize how badly they damaged me?” Society tells you that you need "closure" to move on. You think that if you can just get them to admit they were wrong, or if you can just understand their reasons, the pain will finally stop. You are handing the keys to your future to the exact person who wrecked your past. > The Teaching: The Toxic Arrow The Buddha addressed this exact, agonizing trap in the Cula-Malunkyovada Sutta. He knew that over-analyzing our pain keeps us completely stuck in it. He told the story of a man who was struck in the chest by a toxic, poisoned arrow. His friends and family were terrified and immediately rushed to find a skilled doctor to remove it. But the wounded man held up his hand and stopped them. He said: "No! Do not take this arrow out until I know exactly who shot it. I need to know his name. I need to know what village he is from. I need to know if the arrow is made of oak or pine, and what kind of bird feathers are on the end of it. I demand answers first!" The Buddha looked at his monks and delivered a heavy, fierce truth: "That man's time will run out long before he ever gets his answers. The answers will not save him. Only removing the arrow will." > The Shift: Closure is an Illusion

The question "Who are you?" seems like a simple question. Most people answer it by telling people what they do: "I am a parent, I am a teacher, I am a sibling, etc.". We identify ourselves by the roles we live, not who we are as a person. Thus, if I ask you "Who are you?", what would your answer be? How would I know you by the response you give to that question? What is most alarming to people when I ask that question is they have not considered that question in the way I am asking it and often have to think about it for awhile before they respond. I never want anyone to feel bad because they don't have a quick response. I simply want people to appreciate all they are and embrace the fullness of their qualities, gifts, strengths, needs, and abilities. So tell me: Who are you? (This exercise will also help you work through the letter P in the P.A.R.E.N.T. Method.)