So for a lil context , i might be a lot stupid and ask such stupid question forgive me ,so im 20 yrs old and i came to know about spirituality and then got a lot involved thru a guy i used to date ,thay went really horrible for me ,evrytime as i used to save my relationship when it was falling apart he would constantly say its just your ego , u do not want this, but clearly since long the one thing i craved for and wished to hve was a loving genuine partner and have a small family with them, but is that my ego? Shld i not crave for it?is it wrong? I mean most of the spirituality guru s who i used to follow were telling evrything is about ego and ull gain ntg from it .. which i kinda agree.. but can anyone explain me. Is wishing for a spouse really is a bad thing? And since im young i thought this new year will bring me a lot of productive side of me since last year drained me in evry way possible this new year i would work physically, mentally,spiritually and also start a heavy grind for my career ,i mean since breakup i hve been reaching very good heights in my career, is this all ego too?

So i live in hostel far away from my home and i am very active and energetic in wtv i do let it be my normal routine or my spiritual practices ,but the moment i come back to my home i am completely drained i hve no energy to do anything,i cannot focus on my meditation like some fear holding me back which i never experience in my hostel, i feel so drained the entire day ,how can i stop this?wat causes this?is it some childhood trauma?

Hey im alvina and currently it 11:11 pm and im from india..i believe i was lead to here since i was just silently meditating and asking for my purpose and path to see and somehow withing an hour i am here .. so hello evryone,looking forward to learn and experience things.. and please forgive if i do smt stupid idk how this app works