Week 7 Tasking - Complete: Conflict Assessment - Showed that I’m confrontational. Unfortunately, this is no surprise to me…I don’t like that I get confrontational when I’m in a relationship because it makes me feel like a bad guy when I truly believe that I’m a good person. I have been able to see though, looking back, that there have even been witnesses to my defensiveness and aggression in certain conflicts. I think it’s because I associate disagreement with being wrong and associate being wrong with punishment or abandonment as a response. Because I’ve also never really felt like “enough,” the anxiety associated with this expectation of abandonment or punishment seems all the more real during times of conflict - with anyone; but then if a person holds a position higher than me I have a fear of standing up to them. I typically speak up and get defensive with those who I feel I am either equal to or better than, but those ‘higher’ than me I tend to just shut down… This assessment definitely made me think though and provoked thought which is good. It also opened up areas that I need to actually do the work to heal so I can grow as a person. An example of the SAFE framework. S – See the Emotion: Name the feeling A – Acknowledge the Experience: Reflect the experience F – Feel With Them: Mirror and empathize E – Exhale Together: I was working with a client who seemed to be getting frustrated at the status of his broken relationship due to it “not getting fixed fast enough.” I asked if I could interject and stated that it sounded like he was frustrated and wanting to force the healing. He agreed. I told him that it made sense to want things to be fixed, and that anyone else in his shoes who feels like they are ‘doing the work’ all alone would be in a frustrating position. He was able to realize that it took a long time for them to get to this point and that it will take time to get to a healthy place as well. Through the exhale portion, he was also able to see the progress that had been made so far from them both and even stated that sometimes it’s hard to see the progress when he stays fixated on his ultimate goal of getting his family back, but that by slowing down and realizing it will take time took some of the pressure off of him to have it fixed ‘right now.’

Week 9 Tasking Mostly C’s = Stability & Security → You value consistency, reliability, and trust. This seems to be true even though I also enjoy fun and excitement. I guess that simply wanting to enjoy these things with a partner is natural but the stability is the part I know is more important in the sense of relationship. Old Pattern: Partner 1: “You can just take off your ring then if you don’t want to be with me and get out.” Partner 2: "What are you talking about? You’re always blowing things out of proportion. You know what, never mind…” Criticism → Defense → Repression New Pattern: Partner 1: “I’m feeling a little insecure about our relationship now that your work has you away from the house more” Partner 2: -Label: “You’re the sender, I’m the receiver.” -New Response: “What I’m hearing you say is that you feel that my new job has created distance between us and you’re needing some more reassurance from me now that we have less time together, is that right?” -Validate (SAFE): “I can see how now that I’m working more, we don’t have as much time together. I don’t want you to feel unsure of us or like I don’t want to prioritize our relationship. Let’s take some time to really schedule out what my off days can look like so we can still prioritize our marriage.”