The dopamine spiral almost got me yesterday..
I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bad day. But yesterday was the day. It didn't arrive with a bang. It crept in. I wanted to take it easy, do nothing for once, and within an hour the nothing turned into boredom. Out of that boredom I started snacking on stuff I knew would make me feel worse, and it did, almost instantly. Then I picked up my phone and started scrolling. Ten minutes in I was completely dopamine-depleted. Empty. Like someone had quietly unplugged me. So I did what I tell other people not to do. I reached for more of the same. I opened a video game. The last time I did that was December 2024. More than a year and a half ago. I didn't realize that until I was already sitting there like a zombie, not even enjoying it. Funny how the brain reaches for the exact habit it used to lean on when it's hurting. While I was sitting there feeling nothing, I looked at the community. It's been growing like crazy. Yesterday we hit number 9 in Discovery across the entire Skool platform!! I looked at the number and felt nothing. And for a split second i even thought, why am i even doing this? What's the point? Rationally I knew that was nonsense. I knew it in the moment. But knowing something does absolutely nothing for the way you feel when you're in it. You can be self-aware and still stuck. Awareness alone doesn't pull you out. So I stood up. I walked to the window and just stared outside for a while. I was thinking of two options. One was easy: crawl into bed, pull the curtains, and let the day get worse. Sink deeper into it. The other one I couldn't even see the end of. It just meant doing one thing, any thing. 2024 me would've picked option 1, but.. I just looked for the smallest possible action and DID IT. I walked over to my bed and grabbed my Eight Sleep, the mattress that regulates my temperature at night so I actually get deep sleep. Amazing thing by the way, even if it's stupidly expensive. Next to it was the filter. It had been sitting on my nightstand for three months. I kept walking past it, telling myself it was a whole job, that I'd get to it later. I finally swapped it. It took ten seconds. Ten seconds. And it gave me this tiny, real hit of dopamine.