High Capacity OR Lack of Boundaries?

Clues that your tendency towards high capacity are a lack of boundaries (intimacy edition)

You build up resentment because you feel you are always giving

But you don’t communicate how you want intimacy to go

Your self-worth is tied up in doing and you take pride in “skills”

And then you get frustrated when it’s not reciprocated

You struggle to give yourself permission to receive pleasure

And get caught up in blaming your partner for not pleasing you the way you enjoy

You take pride in achievements and are avoidant of intimacy

So you don’t create time and space to luxuriate in it

This is survival speaking

Your high performing ways are how you’ve built your self-worth

Because it got you the sense of achievement, safety and control

True intimacy feels too vulnerable for you

That’s partially because you aren’t good at establishing and holding limits

You persistently override your own body’s limits and your body doesn’t trust you so you don’t have the self-trust to have your own back in intimacy

But instead of noticing this yourself it feels like your partner is intruding, selfish and needy

It might even feel like they are not caring for you

What’s a limit you can establish today to begin to rewrite this pattern?

Notice when you are thirsty and you hydrate yourself instead of putting it off

Notice when you are stiff from sitting too long and get up and stretch instead of pushing through

Notice when you need to take a break and allow yourself to do it

Your body needs to learn to trust you again too

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