Stop Sabotaging Your Own Self Care

Scripture: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:23

Tip: Pay attention to where your mental and emotional energy is going. Sometimes we create stress for ourselves by worrying about things we cannot know or control.

Reminder: Self care sometimes means recognizing when our own thoughts are draining us and choosing not to keep feeding them.

Recently, I came to a realization that was difficult for me to admit. I was sabotaging my own self care, and I did not even realize I was doing it. Every day I write these Mighty Caregivers Circle stories and share my thoughts and tips about caring for others while also caring for ourselves. Yet I discovered that while I was encouraging other caregivers to protect their well being, I was not doing a very good job of protecting my own.

I had thoughts running through my head about how other people felt about me. I was wondering what people thought, replaying situations, questioning interactions, and creating conversations in my mind. My thoughts were racing, and all of that thinking was creating adversity within me. The strange thing is that I thought I was spending my energy in the right place. I thought I was trying to understand what was happening. Instead, I was using a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy worrying about things I did not actually know.

I think this can happen to caregivers more easily than we realize. We spend so much time paying attention to other people. We notice their expressions, words, needs, moods, and reactions. That awareness can be an important part of caring, but sometimes we can take it too far. We start trying to figure out what everyone is thinking. We replay conversations long after they have ended. We imagine what someone might be thinking about us and then react emotionally to something that may never have been true in the first place.

That is what I was doing. I was creating my own drama. It was not necessarily drama happening around me. It was happening inside me because I kept feeding it with my thoughts. I was spending energy on assumptions about what other people might be thinking instead of recognizing what those thoughts were doing to me.

I prayed about what I was experiencing. I asked God to help me understand what was happening and why I could not seem to find peace. Then, on Friday, August 14, 2026, at 8:30 in the morning, God met me right in the middle of that adversity. I remember the date and time because it became a defining moment for me. Instead of continuing to avoid what was bothering me, I faced it head on. Interestingly, while it was happening, I did not fully realize what God was showing me. It was only afterward, when the dust began to settle, that I could look back at that moment and understand what had just happened within me.

Suddenly, I could see it. I had spent so much time wondering what other people thought about me that I had created an unnecessary struggle for myself. The adversity felt real because my thoughts and emotions were real, but I was helping create the turmoil inside myself. I could not control what someone else thought about me, and I certainly could not know what was inside another person's mind.

That realization was freeing. I did not have to figure out what everyone thought about me. I did not have to replay every interaction. I did not have to create conversations in my head or spend my energy solving problems that might not even exist. I could recognize what I was doing and choose not to keep feeding it. Almost immediately, my mind calmed down.

This weekend, I have felt relaxed. I took a very long and much needed nap. In fact, I had just awakened from that nap when I began writing this reflection. I also went to Hollywood Studios at Walt Disney World and spent a few hours simply walking around and taking in a show. I was not trying to solve anything or figure out what anyone else was thinking. I was allowing myself to enjoy the moment. After spending so much energy thinking and worrying, both the rest and the time doing something I enjoy felt like my mind and body were finally saying, You can rest now. You can enjoy yourself. You do not have to carry all of this.

That experience taught me something important about self care. Sometimes the person interfering with my self care is me. Not intentionally. I was not choosing to make myself anxious or exhausted. I simply did not recognize what I was doing. Once God helped me see it, I could begin changing it.

As caregivers, we already carry enough. Caring for another person can require tremendous physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy. We do not need to add unnecessary weight by trying to figure out what everyone else thinks about us. We cannot control another person's thoughts. We can only be responsible for our own actions, words, choices, and where we choose to place our energy.

Maybe part of caring for yourself today is asking a difficult question: Am I creating unnecessary stress for myself? Maybe you are replaying something that has already happened. Maybe you are assuming you know what someone else thinks. Maybe you are having conversations in your head that have never actually taken place. Maybe today's energy is being spent on something you cannot control.

Sometimes self care is taking a nap. Sometimes it is going somewhere you enjoy and walking around for a few hours. Sometimes it is watching a show and allowing yourself to be completely present. Sometimes it is praying and asking God to show you something you have not been able to see. And sometimes self care is recognizing that you have been creating your own drama and deciding that you do not have to keep doing it.

I am thankful that I faced the adversity I was experiencing. I am thankful God helped me see what was happening within me. I am thankful for the peace that came afterward. My mind is calmer. My body has gotten some much needed rest. I have been able to enjoy myself again. Most importantly, I am learning that caring for myself requires paying attention not only to what is happening around me, but also to what I am allowing to happen within me.

Now I am ready to keep being a Mighty Caregiver, and I am trusting God to continue leading me along the way.

Keep on Caring, Jeremy

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Stop Sabotaging Your Own Self Care