Finding my sister within myself
Here is my writing from circle tonight... what if that sister I was looking for is me?
I was the girl who didn't know who she was
Looking at everyone else, it felt they were so sure
How could that be!? I was fascinated - I wanted to try everything!
How could I be both so self assured in the external world AND so sure inside that I was doing it all wrong?
What do they think- what do I think?
I grew up with Madonna
It was the 90's and I could do anything!
Women could do whatever men could do
Except of course... anywhere and everywhere we couldn't
I was oblivious
I told stories to myself when I hit a "hard no wall"
Oh that is traditional so that's not where I can go
Oh the men have been in control for so long they won't give up so easy and let us take over too
So I need to get really good at what I do so they can't deny me
I need to play the game
Know my limits
Know the rules
So I can break them and rebuild them in a way that makes sense
Leverage my sweetness, blondness, cuteness to make change happen without being a threat
Use the right language and get the right training, certifications and experience
Get to yes, win-win at all costs
If I had not been "alone" all those years
Striving and pushing and "keeping up" with the men
And that sister I wanted was always right here, in me, as me... as I know her now.
I wouldn't have appreciated her like I do
I wouldn't have acquired a way to hold her tenderly and fiercely with a love I couldn't have understood without the contrast of knowing the separateness.
Thank you for a beautiful circle tonight- sending hugs to all you brave, curious, courageous, sweet, loving, open, fierce, women!
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Finding my sister within myself
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