Baby is here. 🙏🏾 And can you imagine... even now, hubby and I are having to have those difficult, uncomfortable conversations. Let me let you into our conversation last night. He was sharing how it can be really difficult for men in the early stages after birth. It's easy for them to feel so useless, because, let's face it Baby only wants mum. You're sat there not really knowing what to do. That's a real season. And it needed a real conversation. Here's the thing about me, I'm the type of person who just does things. So I'm constantly having to remember to actually say when I need or want help, instead of just pushing through. and honestly, sometimes that's tough. So many of my clients expect their partner to "just know" what they need. Trust me, that isn't how it works. Nobody can read your mind, not even after years together. After 22 years together, 14 years married and 6 kids, we are still having the uncomfortable conversations. That's how we keep growing. That's how we keep meeting each other's needs as our seasons change. 💛 Because marriage isn't one long season. It's lots of them, back to back. And the couples who thrive are the ones willing to keep talking, even when it's easier not to. 👇🏾 What stops you from having uncomfortable conversations?

Today's post is a bit different. For those who don't know, I am a couples counsellor. The questions came up - can you overuse your couples counsellor, and here are my honest thoughts. Yes. You can. I know that sounds strange coming from a counsellor. But hear me out. Counselling is meant to equip you, not replace you. The goal was never for me to sit between you and your partner forever. The goal is for you to learn the skills, take them home, and use them. 💪🏾 But here is what I sometimes see. A disagreement happens. And instead of sitting in the discomfort and working through it together, the first instinct is "let's bring this to our counsellor." Sometimes, if we are honest, it is because we want backup. 😅 We want someone to hear our side and confirm we are right. But when you run to the counselling room before you have tried the tools, something important gets lost. You rob yourselves of the chance to practise. To struggle a little. To come out the other side and say, "we did that." (By the way, that struggle and coming out the other side is my happy place as a Christian Couples Counsellor, for my couples, because it means they did it!) That is where mastery is built. Not in the counselling room, but in your home. 🏡 Conflict is not the enemy. Unpractised skills are. So when should you go back to your counsellor after you have completed most of the work? 1️⃣ When it is a recurring problem you genuinely cannot resolve, no matter how many times you have tried. 2️⃣ When you feel the tools are not working and you need help understanding why. 3️⃣ When you sense there is something deeper underneath the surface arguments. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Hi everyone, I know I have not been here as much as I would like. I wanted to be very transparent with you. For those who don't already know, I am pregnant and near the end of my pregnancy, but it has come with some challenges, specifically health challenges. As a result it has meant I have not been able to show up as much as I would like. In the past this would be something that would really get to me, mainly because I like to be on top of things. But I have learnt to listen to my body... and my husband and take it easy. So my goal is to be here at least once a week. I want to still share and support you all, but it will just look a bit different for now until I am back to my normal health and self. This was something I had to learn in my relationship as well. With my first pregnancy, I felt I had to keep going, keep showing up, keep giving my 100%, but the reality is ..... You can't give 100% all the time. Life happens, seasons change. Whether it is pregnancy, health challenges, mental health, loss of loved ones, looking after elderly parents. Things change. To expected your spouse to give 100% all the time... well... it just doesn't work like that. Marriage requires showing up, and stepping up when your spouse needs you in that particular season. It also means being able to do the same when they need you too. So here is to recognising I can't give 100% right now, but I will do what I can, without the guilt. I am grateful for your understanding and for my hubby showing up and supporting me while I go through this.