I Was Doing Everything Right and Still Felt Terrible

I'd like to use this next article to talk about our nervous system.

Stress management and nervous system regulation was requested by a member, and it's also my favorite topic to talk about because it's what ultimately led me to getting to the bottom of my TMJ health.

To give some background on how I got into this field and found myself deep in the world of internal healing, I'd like to talk about all of the health practices I did before realizing this was my last missing step. I say this often because it's a very important part of my journey, but on paper, I was convinced I was one of the healthiest humans alive. I should've been superhuman, or at least felt like one, based on my health habits and lifestyle. What started out as a goal to achieve my highest genetic potential slowly became an obsession.

I'm not quite sure if I latched onto health because of some internal identity struggle I was dealing with and wanted something to pour myself into, or if the obsession developed because no matter what I did, I never actually felt healthy.

After completing my nutrition degree and working as a private nutritionist, I doubled down on all of my health habits. I dove into the world of quantum health, circadian health, eating local seasonal foods because of the signals they send to the body based on our environment, using red light devices alongside natural light breaks throughout the day, cold exposure, optimizing hormones, traditional therapy, learning how the body truly moves... the list goes on forever.

The problem was that I was doing all of this just to feel average. I was obsessing over health, working ten times harder than everyone else, and losing who I was in the process just to recover half as well as my buddies who would drink, eat garbage, barely sleep, and somehow still feel better than I did. After enough frustration and little progress, I finally realized my internal world was not getting the attention it needed.

I tried traditional therapy. I signed up with one therapist, then another, then another. It wasn't until I came across Flynn Skidmore's work and started learning from his free podcast that I began taking my internal healing into my own hands. Unfortunately, that podcast is no longer available, but the resources were incredible, and I consider myself lucky to have experienced them. I still recommend him as a resource because I've worked with him personally. He showed me what was possible. The way he talks about life, healing, limiting beliefs, and personal growth completely shifted my perspective. His ability to believe in what is possible and how incredible life can be inspires me every time I listen.

Slowly, I began to understand that feelings, sensations, and somatic healing were much more important than I had ever realized. I started doing parts work therapy, which I recommend to almost everyone I come across. Somatic healing, Internal Family Systems, and any approach that truly helps heal your inner world through feeling and reparenting.

While I was diving into all of this, knowing it felt like the last missing piece of my health journey, I was still struggling with one last health issue: SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth) that simply would not go away. To give you an example of how bad it was, one bite of a peach would bloat me to the point where I looked three months pregnant. I tried elimination diets multiple times. I went full carnivore. Sure, it helped, but what kind of life is that for someone who loves food and worked as a chef? As soon as I introduced foods back in, the bloating returned. I tried antibiotics. I tried herbal protocols. I tried everything. No matter what I did, the SIBO kept coming back, and it still didn't make sense to me what wasn't clicking.

That's when I started putting two and two together. My jaw structure and airway were constantly keeping my nervous system dysregulated no matter how much internal work I did. The more I learned about my small airway, my terrible sleep, constantly waking up, my body feeling like it was suffocating, my forward head posture, and my myofascial tension patterns, the more connections I started to see. I realized I was trying to heal a nervous system that felt under threat every single day.

How could I ever regulate my nervous system if it thought I was suffocating? If I was sleeping as though I only got two hours of sleep even when I got ten, how could I ever fully rest and recover?

I finally realized why I wasn't digesting food properly, or fully healing.

If you're running from a tiger, I can assure you your body is not prioritizing digesting the meal you just ate. It's prioritizing survival. Blood flow shifts. Stress hormones rise. Your body wants you running as fast as possible. I wasn't running from a tiger, but my body thought I was. Low oxygen. Poor sleep. Constant stress. Chronic tension. Chronic illness.

When I started connecting all of those dots, everything began making more sense. You might think how could I have missed this from the start? The honest answer: dentists, doctors, multiple people would all tell me TMJ symptoms are normal, my jaws were fine, and it fell off my radar.

Now let's talk about what actually helped me.

If you prefer, there are videos about this on my page as well.

The most important thing is learning how to feel. For years, I intellectualized everything.

I lived entirely in my head. Therapists would tell me to feel my emotions, but that's where the conversation always ended. No one ever explained how, or what to do after.

Nonetheless, truth is I was terrified of feeling my emotions because I'm someone who feels very deeply.

Eventually, I realized if I want the life I dream of, there is no other way.

The challenge is that you can't just flip a switch. In my opinion, the most important part of nervous system healing is teaching yourself that you're a safe space. You'll hear people recommend things like humming, dipping your face in cold water, walking in nature, tapping, breathing exercises, and other regulation techniques.

Can those help? Absolutely. Will they permanently fix a dysregulated nervous system by themselves?

In my opinion, no. What truly needs to happen is teaching your nervous system that your body is a safe place to process emotions.

For years, I taught mine the exact opposite. Whenever I felt embarrassed, self-conscious, angry, sad, rejected, or hurt, I pushed those feelings down. I wanted to be a "good" child. A "good" student. Someone who was liked. Someone who fit in. Someone that didn't have needs. Over time, I taught my nervous system that emotions weren't welcome. Every time an emotion came up, I shut it down.

If my body wasn't a safe place to feel emotions, how could my nervous system ever trust that it could fully relax? For me, this became the foundation of healing. You can start small. Put yourself in situations that bring up manageable emotions—not a ten out of ten, but enough that you notice something happening inside of you.

Maybe it's something that makes you slightly self-conscious. Maybe it's something uncomfortable. Then start paying attention. What does it feel like in your body? Where do you feel it? What sensations come up? Big or small, start noticing them. This is where somatic healing begins.

The second part is learning to be attuned to your own needs like a loving parent would. When emotions arise, let them be there. When I say let them be there, I mean let them be as big as they want to be. Don't rush them away. Don't fix them. Don't judge them. Imagine another version of yourself sitting right beside you. That version isn't trying to change you. They're not telling you to stop feeling. They're not telling you that you're overreacting. They're simply there. Rubbing your back. Supporting you. Reminding you that you're safe. Reminding you that they've got you because it can be an intense experience.

That, to me, is how you teach yourself to feel emotions while also becoming your own support system.

Over time, your body begins to learn that no matter what situation life throws at you, you can handle it.

You have your own back.

And honestly, I can't think of a better way to move through life than knowing that no matter what happens, you'll be there to care for yourself, support yourself, and love yourself through it.

Appreciate everyone being here and reading this over. I hope something has helped.

With love,

John

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I Was Doing Everything Right and Still Felt Terrible