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6d (edited) • Mindfulness 🧠
⛈️Overwhelm VS Deliberate🌬️
This is important to talk about....
Because many parents are told to pick one approach to parenting and use it for everything — more softness, more consequences, more ignoring, more talking.
But real life doesn’t work like that.
Some moments are true overwhelm.
Some moments are strong boundary pushing.
If we treat them the same, both parent and child can end up feeling stuck.
This isn’t about blame or labels.
It’s about helping parents recognise what’s actually happening underneath so they can respond in a way that works.
🌧️ When it’s overwhelm
Overwhelm isn’t a child kicking off just to push you.
• The reaction feels big, fast, and hard to stop
• Tears, panic, shutdown, or explosive emotion
• Reasoning doesn’t land because their body is flooded
• They’re not checking your reaction — they’re trying to cope
• Calm presence and co-regulation help more than consequences
👉 The nervous system has taken over.
🧭 When a child is deliberately testing your limit
One big tell? They’re watching you while it’s happening.
• Looking for your reaction or waiting for you to shift
• Repeating behaviour after a clear no
• Pulling you into debates or back-and-forth
• Still able to think, talk, negotiate, or argue
• Energy feels driven rather than overwhelmed
👉 They’re checking where the edge sits — not losing control.
🪴 What to notice in the moment
If your child is focused on you — your tone, your response, your reaction — it’s more likely boundary pushing. They will need more direction.
If your child seems lost in the emotion and not really aware of you, it’s more likely overwhelm. Connection help after.
Same child. Different nervous system state.
Stay steady and respond to what’s underneath, not just what’s loudest.
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⛈️Overwhelm VS Deliberate🌬️
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