Feb 5 • MINDSET
FINDING AND FACING YOUR "DRAGONS"
It's normal for a man to pretend as if he's got it all together. "I'm good!" is the mantra of the common man. We say this for several reasons. First off, we understand the expectation that we should be strong and stoic, regardless of the weight on our shoulders. That's the plight of man. But on an even deeper level, we know that nobody cares what we're dealing with. So, we lie....
Weakness is something that I absolutely hate! For a long time, I moved with that understanding, finding myself detested whenever in the presence of someone being "weak." It wasn't until I began to peel the onion of who I had become that I began to understand where this disgust came from. It wasn't external, at all. The anger came from the little boy I found hiding in the shadows of my soul.
Life has a way of teaching us lessons, if we're just willing to get out of the way long enough to listen and learn. For me, the lesson was hiding behind the dragon I refused to allow in my gym: little kids. For many years, I declined the opportunity to work with athletes younger than 13. I don't particularly like kids. Plus, my goal was to win a state championship in football. So, I wanted to be as close to that as possible.
I quickly learned that kids weren't being trained the same we were in the 80's-90's. Many of the teen aged athletes didn't have the ability to perform what seemed to be simple movements. After years of having to teach what should have already been learned, it became necessary for me to begin training the kids closer to their formative years than their championship years. This is where the onion peel made my eyes water...
I would come across several young boys who were inherently weak, passive and kind of pussy over the next few years. Looking back, the way I handled them was wrong. Rather than finding out what created this disposition, I subconsciously orchestrated ways to ensure they'd quit coming to my gym. Once the weakness arose, I became an anchor rather than a rope. I sank them, because I didn't want weakness in my gym!!!
One afternoon, I was being a dick to a kid who had exhibited cracks in his armor, and he started to cry. The gym was full of killers and NOBODY felt sorry for him. He had recently moved from Dallas and thought he was a gangster. The other kids enjoyed watching the bully get checked. I put my elbow in his back, expecting him to either break, or try to flex on me. He did neither. He kept moving forward, slobbering, blowing snot, and crying.... but moving. I moved to face him, rage fueling my body, I took a knee in front of him and asked "YOU TOUGH?!" Again, I expected to see the "gangster...." Instead, I saw myself!
The kid looked into my eyes and said "NO SIR!!" as he crumbled onto the floor. His voice broke in the same instant that my heart did. I knew this kid better than he knew himself. He was me at that age. In fact, all of the weak, insecure kids were a reflection of the boy I hid from the world behind a tough exterior until I was capable of defending "him." In that moment my understanding of my position changed. What's more, I came to understand the necessity of peeling back the layers of masks that I had constructed over the years in order to find out who I am....
We grow up learning how to survive. Much of our lives isn't what we want, it's what's been necessary in order for us to navigate our circumstances. For men, much of what we show to the world isn't the truth, it's what we believe is necessary. What's more, most of us don't realize what we're hiding from ourselves because we constructed these masks before we understood what we were doing. We box things that caused trauma along with bad memories and hide them behind a dragon. Sometimes, we become the dragon.
The man we want to become must be willing to go into the dark places to face the dragons who guard the things the boy has hidden. The man we want to become must integrate that shadow rather than laboring at keeping it hidden.
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FINDING AND FACING YOUR "DRAGONS"
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