4d • Love Honestly ❤️
Teaching Accountability...
Earlier this week I asked a question here about my son’s behavior, and I wanted to reflect on it now that I’ve had some space.
What I’m realizing is that it isn’t just “bad behavior.” It’s a storm of things coming together. His actions, his emotional regulation, the way excitement can tip him past the point of self-control, our expectations as parents, and the explanation we hear a lot: “I wasn’t thinking.”
And here’s where I’m landing. “I wasn’t thinking” can be an explanation, but it can’t be the end of the conversation. It isn’t an excuse.
At first, it feels like progress just getting to that awareness. Okay, we know this happens when you’re overstimulated or overly excited. But the next step matters. The next step is asking why the situation got there in the first place. Why were you in that position? Why were you close enough, involved enough, unchecked enough for this to happen?
Those questions are harder to answer, especially when shame shows up. I can see that in him. He feels bad. But I’d rather him sit with a little discomfort around honesty now, if it helps him build awareness and do better next time.
This hits close to home for me. I was diagnosed with ADHD young. I’ve been medicated, unmedicated, all of it. I don’t love making it a defining identity, even though I recognize it shapes how my brain works. I actually believe it can be a strength when you build the right systems around it.
What I’ve always struggled with is when it’s used as an excuse instead of an explanation. Saying “I can’t do this because I have ADHD” feels very different to me than saying “This takes me longer, and here’s how my process works.” One avoids responsibility. The other owns it.
I see the same tension with my son. I understand “I wasn’t thinking.” I’ve been there. I still end up there sometimes. But I don’t want him to stop there. I want him to learn how to recognize patterns, put guardrails in place, and be better than I was at that age.
That’s where discipline gets complicated. I don’t believe consequences alone teach someone like us how to regulate or reflect. But I also believe consequences have to exist, because life will hand them out regardless.
So when I discipline my son, it’s less about expecting the punishment to magically change his behavior, and more about teaching a reality. Actions still have consequences, even when the explanation makes sense.
That’s the balance I’m trying to strike, and I figured some of you might be wrestling with the same thing.
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Teaching Accountability...
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It’s one thing to tell our kids they can be anything.
It’s another to show them how.
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