Do you participate in a system that abuses women 1. Silence as Loyalty When a woman says: “My husband hits me, but don’t tell anyone.” And the response is: “Endure. Marriage is not easy.” That silence becomes a weapon. In many African homes, abuse is not denied — it is managed. Family meetings are held, prayers are said, the woman is asked to reduce her voice, cook better, respect more. The man is corrected in private. The woman is corrected in public. That is participation. ⸻ 2. Romanticising Suffering Phrases we grew up with: • “A woman must endure.” • “Marriage is not for children.” • “All men cheat — it’s normal.” What we are really teaching girls is: Your pain is the price of womanhood. When we repeat these lines, we are not comforting women — we are preparing them for harm. ⸻ 3. Respecting Men at the Expense of Women When a powerful man abuses a woman and people say: • “But he pays school fees.” • “He built the house.” • “He’s respected in the community.” We are saying: His achievements cancel her trauma. This is how abusers hide behind success. ⸻ 4. Policing Women’s Survival Choices When a woman finally leaves abuse and people ask: • “Why did you stay so long?” • “Why did you marry him in the first place?” • “You should have prayed more.” We turn her survival story into a courtroom. The abuser is gone. But the system continues the beating. ⸻ 5. Teaching Boys Power, Teaching Girls Patience Little boys are told: • “You’re the man of the house.” Little girls are told: • “Be calm.” • “Don’t talk back.” • “Be respectful.” So one grows into entitlement. The other grows into endurance. That is not culture. That is conditioning. ⸻ 6. Calling Control “Love” • Checking her phone is called care. • Isolating her from friends is called protection. • Jealousy is called passion. By the time the slap comes, it already feels familiar. ⸻ The system that abuses women is not only in violent hands. It is in: • our silence, • our jokes, • our advice,

True beauty isn’t just in the colors you wear on your skin. It’s the confidence that comes from embracing your roots, carrying your story with pride, and stepping into every room knowing you are enough. It’s in the way your eyes light up when you smile, the way you carry yourself with grace even when life tests you, and the way your presence inspires others to shine too. Makeup is an art that enhances your natural glow but the real power is in the woman who wears it.

Short answer? They won’t. Not suddenly. Not collectively. Not out of moral awakening. Long answer — and this is the uncomfortable truth: Patriarchy is not a misunderstanding. It is a system of incentives. People don’t voluntarily dismantle systems that: - Give them power - protect their mediocrity - excuse their violence - center their comfort - reward their entitlement Men don’t “fail to see” patriarchy. They benefit from it — socially, economically, emotionally, and sexually. So the idea that men will one day just wake up, stretch, and say “Ah, yes, equality, let me give up my advantages.” is… wishful thinking at best, self-deception at worst. Patriarchy survives because it is participatory It doesn’t run on men alone. It survives because: - Women are socialized to accommodate it - Girls are trained to romanticize sacrifice - mothers pass it down “for safety.” - Religion sanctifies it - culture rewards “good women” who endure As I said before Patriarchy depends on women’s participation to survive. Power only changes hands in three ways Historically, power shifts when: 1. It becomes too expensive to maintain 2. It is starved of cooperation 3. It is forcefully challenged Not when the beneficiaries grow a conscience. Why the “good men will fix it” narrative is dangerous Because it: - delays women’s agency - recenters men as saviors - frames liberation as permission instead of power - asks the oppressed to wait patiently for fairness That waiting is the system working exactly as designed. What actually disrupts patriarchy Not persuasion. Leverage. - Economic independence - Reproductive autonomy - Social refusal (standards, boundaries, consequences) - Collective non-participation - Building parallel systems that don’t need male approval When women withdraw unpaid labor, emotional cushioning, sexual access, and legitimacy, the system wobbles. THE HARD PILL Patriarchy doesn’t end because men change. It ends because women stop feeding it.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with one of my mentees. She was worried because she felt like she was losing her friends. She’s building something. She’s focused. Her days are full. And suddenly, she doesn’t have the same energy to hang out, stay on long calls, or keep up with conversations that don’t really go anywhere. I told her something important: When God is about to elevate a woman, He sharpens her discernment. What used to excite you will start to repel you. The bare minimum will bore you. Inconsistency will exhaust you. People who drain you will feel heavier than they ever did before. You’re not becoming cold. You’re becoming clear. You’ll notice you’re less tolerant of chaos, mixed signals, and low effort. Those endless group chats? You’ll mute them. Some, you’ll leave completely. Not out of arrogance, but because where you’re going, you can’t afford emotional leaks. Your time, focus, and energy suddenly feel expensive. So yes, it can feel like you’re losing people. Like your circle is shrinking. Like you’re outgrowing rooms faster than you expected. But sometimes it’s not a loss. It’s alignment. If you’re in that season where everything feels quieter, lonelier, and more intentional, don’t panic. You’re not losing your life. You’re upgrading it. And growth will always ask for space.

You can tell how much someone loves themselves by how quickly they remove themselves from situations that don’t serve them. I always say this: people know what they’re doing. So when someone shows you who they are, please believe them. Disrespect and abuse rarely start loud. Most times, it starts small. Subtle. Easy to excuse. People test you ,to see what you’ll tolerate, what you’ll explain away, what you’ll swallow in the name of peace. The moment they realise you have boundaries, that you won’t accept rubbish, that you’re willing to walk away… they retreat. Not because they’ve changed. But because they know you’re not the one.