👉 The Copy: Here's a fitness sales page headline from a 4D student. Let's take a look at what they made: - For skinny weak men, with low confidence - How you can gain 1kg of muscle per month. With The Build To Last Protocol 🧬 - Without force-feeding yourself to grow. Now before I tear up this headline to shreds, if you want regular 1-on-1 reviews just for you feel free to send me a direct message here on Skool with "SHRED" Let's continue... 👉 The Review: Ok, first of all, get that emoji out of the headline lmao. Second, let's start with the first line: "For skinny weak men with low confidence" ... NOBODY wants to identify themselves subconciously as skinny, weak, and low confidence. So most likely that's gonna hurt you. Instead, talk about something that won't hurt their ego that they are struggling with. Ex. hard-gainers, packing on muscle, etc. Now the main headline: "How you can gain 1kg of muscle per month. With The Build To Last Protocol" - What is the "Build to last protocol"??? That sounds like a B.S. unique mechanism, or a program name. I wouldn't include that in this specific headline. - Change from "How you" to "How I" or "How they" - Add some more spice. Now the last bit: "Without force-feeding yourself to grow" That works, it's not as big of a deal as the other parts of the headline, but there's still room for improvement. Here's the updated headline 👇 - Struggling to fill out your frame? - How I Pack On 1 KG Of Muscle Per Month With A "Skinny" Protocol - Sustainably bulk up without adding fat (even if you're a hard-gainer) See ya'll next week!

👉 The Copy: Bit of an interesting one today. If you see below, attached to this message is a screenshot of the ecom email the copywriter wrote. Check it out. Done? Good. Let's review... 👉 The Review: Alright first off, how did you write this and literally put no headline on it??? That is step 1. At least put some sort of headline on it so I know what is going on. The overall concept/idea is creative, but it's just too confusing and there's no headline to pull me in. As for the CTA, "Get My Puppy Jolly The Squirrel" is quite wordy and confusing because it can be interpreted in multiple ways. I would shorten it a lot and simplify for clarity. Lastly, what is the goal of this email? Where does it fit in the sequences? Obviously the goal is to generate the most money possible, but this feels like it was created with no intention in mind of how leads receive this email sequence in the first place. AKA: a big red flag. You are not writing copy in an ecochamber. All copy exists in the real world. Is this for an abandoned cart sequence? Upsell sequence? Welcome sequence? We have no clue and the copy doesn't reflect that. (For example: abandoned cart = remind them and push them over the edge. Welcome = introduce to the brand, KLT, social proof, and product suite.) And that's the review. Now as an action, go write a type of copy that you have ZERO clue how to do. First study what proven copy looks like for the type so you have an idea, then write it. That's all for now, Tyson.

👉 The Copy: Yet another headline from a bootcamp student. Here it is (context: the avatar is fitness coaches): --------------------------------------------------- Fitness coaches, who struggle to grow their business... The ‘’ACCAL’’ Method That Online Coaches Use To Scale To 10k/mo In 3 Months, While Working Only 2 Hours A Day. Without cold DMs, paid ads, or complicated funnels. Even if you’re starting from scratch. --------------------------------------------------- .......Alright, somebody help this man's copy. 👉 The Review: First of all, this seems like every single other biz-op headline I've seen in my life. There's nothing that makes it stand out. Also, the ACCAL method is a very confusing acronym. That is not how you do a unique mechanism. A unique mechanism is something that you're familiar with, so you understand it and there's no confusion, but at the same time, it's also intriguing. You want to read more to find out what this mechanism is. Compared to the ACCAL method, which just causes confusion rather than intrigue. Next thing is, you speak about scaling to 10K in 3 months while only working 2 hours a day. I would question who your target avatar actually is, because this is going to speak to the least qualified, most broke part of the market. On top of that, it's also going to speak to people who don't want to work that hard. And as we all know, results come from hard work. So it's probably not going to speak to the right person. Next up, in the eyebrow copy, "fitness coaches who struggle to grow their business," we can get 10x more specific with what they're actually struggling with. What specifically in their business is causing them problems? Could it be that they don't have enough clients, or they can't fulfill for all those clients, or that they're not getting enough views in their content, etc.? Overall, to fix your headline, think through the lens of knowing who you're actually speaking to, knowing who your ideal client is. And second of all, assuming that they have already seen every other fitness coaching headline on the planet. That's going to force you to make your headline more unique. And if you don't know what the messaging of the market is, you need to do more competitor research.

The Copy: Another headline from a bootcamp student. Today this is a piece of free value they made. Here's the headline: Worried AI will replace your income? Learn How You Can Make $20-30k/mo By Using The Power Of Human Connection WITHOUT: Draining your wallet with ads, recording content at 2am or having any prior experience Alright... before we get into the review, can you even take a WILD guess what this is actually about? It's for a sales coaching program...... 😂 No disrespect at all, but this is not gonna fly. Let's go to the review: The Review: Point #1: This is WAYYYYY to witty and complex. Wtf is "the power of human connection"? That sounds like some woo-woo stuff lol Also, this is to a biz-op audience (AKA: make money). It talks about replacing their income. So why do we mention things that are relatable to business owners? Like recording context or spending money on ads. That is not relevant at all to your average person working a job. If you want to fix this headline: - Go more so from the angle of "the only AI-proof online business model", not "the power of human connection ✨" - Be more direct about the fact that it is online closing (sounds slightly different and less boring than just "sales") - Make the deck copy something actually relevant to normal people Boom. Headline speedrun. Now go make 10x more headlines for a funnel to improve your copy 🫡 Tyson

## The Copy: Here's a practice headline from a 4D Bootcamp student... *Business owners struggling with converting their sales calls* *Learn how thousands of business owners are using the cash closing method to close 70% of their existing leads* *No matter the niche* Time to destroy it... ## The Review: For the first line, it's not terrible, but you always want to use the industry language. Because if they believe you can understand them and they feel understood, then they're also going to believe you have the solution to their problems. And that stems from being relatable to them, which also comes from speaking in their language. So a more specific line would be: *Business owners losing money from low close rates* More the main headline, a few things: - How many thousands of business owners? Can you add a more specific number there so it seems more believable, and so that the proof element is stronger? - You use the word "closing" and "close" in the same sentence. So it is a bit repetitive. - Also, there's a difference between a lead and a call. In this case, you say leads, so I'm gonna assume the solution has to do with that, but just something to be aware of. A slightly better version of this might be: *Learn how 5,700+ business owners (from beginners to 9-figure titans) are converting 70% of their leads with "cash closing."* Now for the final part of the headline, I would add more "even if" objection statements that are also relatable. So like: *No matter the niche, offer, or sales process.* There you go. Weekly reviews are BACK.