Are all narcs the same? It is strangely funny (and a little creepy). Every time I talk to another person who has experienced this—whether it's a friend or a client—I am amazed by the uncanny similarities in the narcissist's modus operandi. It’s almost like they all read the same secret manual before starting the relationship. The "Insider" Connection It’s not the same when you talk to people who haven't been exposed to it. Outsiders often see the "charm" and think there is nothing wrong (which is the narc's goal, and they are good at hiding it). But when you talk to a survivor, the connection is instant. You finish each other's sentences. You realize they operate the exact same way, just with different actors and scenery. The Psychology: Is it a Program? 🧠 Psychologically, the answer is yes. The "False Self" Script: Pathological narcissism is often rooted in Arrested Emotional Development. - Psychologists often describe narcissists as "emotional toddlers" in adult bodies. Because their emotional growth stopped (often due to childhood trauma or wounds), they never developed a complex, authentic self. - Instead, they constructed a rigid "False Self" to survive. Since this False Self is artificial, it has a limited range of behaviors. It can't improvise; it can only follow the script it learned to get "supply" (attention/validation). That is why they all say the same lines ("You're crazy," "I never said that," "You're too sensitive"). They are literally running a childhood defense program on a loop. The Book Connection: Mirrorland In The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo visits Mirrorland, a place where everyone is obsessed with their image. But he notices something eerie about the reflections in the glass buildings: "They are always the same." Even though the people try to change their outfits or warp their image to look better, the core reflection never actually changes. It is a loop. You Are Not Crazy If you feel like you are seeing a "glitch in the matrix" because your ex is acting exactly like a textbook description, you are right. It is impressive how accurate the similarities are. But once you see the script, you stop taking the play so seriously.

A Quick-Release Tool for Superparents The Goal: To identify what is bubbling inside before the lid blows off. The Rule: You don't have to fix it. You just have to name it. STEP 1: Check Your Dashboard Just like a car dashboard light, your body signals when the pressure is too high. Circle what you are feeling right now: - The Jaw: Clenched teeth / Grinding at night - The Chest: Tightness / Heavy feeling - The fuse: Snapping at small things / Zero patience - The Fog: Can't focus / Wanting to "zone out" or sleep - The Noise: Racing thoughts / Can't sit still STEP 2: Name the Fuel Anger is often just the "smoke." What is the fire underneath? (Choose one or two) - Overwhelmed: "I have too many tasks and not enough hands." - Unappreciated: "I do everything and nobody notices." - Lonely: "I miss having an adult partner to talk to." - Scared: "I am worried about money/the future." - Guilty: "I feel like I'm not doing enough for my kids." - Grieving: "I miss the life I thought I would have." STEP 3: The 3-Minute Release Valve Pick ONE action to release a little pressure right now. - The Physical Release: Do 10 pushups or a 1-minute plank. (Burn the adrenaline). - The Vocal Release: Go to your car/pillow and yell (or sing loudly) for 10 seconds. - The Brain Dump: Write down 3 things stressing you out on a scrap of paper, then throw it away. - The Reset: Drink a full glass of cold water in one go. STEP 4: The Truth Anchor Read this out loud to yourself: "My anger is a signal, not a character flaw. I am doing a hard job alone. It is okay to be tired. It is okay to feel this. I am a good father because I am still here trying." Please share these with a Superparent that might find this helpful.

Have you ever set a firm boundary, only to have your ex explode? You say "no" to a schedule change, or you refuse to engage in an argument, and suddenly... BOOM. They go nuclear. They send the barrage of texts, they threaten court, they call your family, they try to burn everything down. It is terrifying. It feels like you made a mistake. But you didn't. The Truth: When a narcissist feels control slipping away, they don't retreat. They escalate. Their goal is to create enough chaos to make you lose your footing. They want you rattled, defensive, and exhausted, because when you are off-balance, you are easier to control. There is a specific behavioral term for this: The Extinction Burst. In psychology, when you stop reinforcing a behavior (by ignoring them or holding a boundary), the behavior doesn't just stop immediately. It spikes. It gets louder, meaner, and more intense, like a toddler screaming at the top of their lungs right before they finally give up. The "nuclear" reaction is not a sign of their power. It is the death rattle of their control. Your Strategy: Enjoy the Show In The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo and Jasper learn a powerful lesson in Mirrorland. When the intimidation tactics don't work, there is an "abrupt silence," and the intimidating figures simply walk away. When the narcissist goes nuclear, do not put on your hazmat suit and jump into the fire. Grab your popcorn instead. 🍿 Remain calm. Observe it like a bad movie. Tell yourself: "Ah, right on schedule. The Extinction Burst." You are safe in your headquarters. Let them have their tantrum. You have already won the war. 👇 Let’s chat: Have you experienced an "Extinction Burst" recently? How did you keep your cool?

Hey Superparents, Has your child ever asked, "Who's picking me up today?" That question can land like a punch to the gut, making us wonder if we're doing something wrong. But let's look at it through their eyes. It’s rarely about a favorite parent. It's about their brain trying to build a mental map to feel safe and prepared. Imagine having to switch between two different countries every few days—each with its own rules, routines, and culture. That's what our kids navigate. They aren't trying to create stress; they are trying to manage the stress of being in the middle. Our role is to be their safe harbor—a place of love, no questions, and no judgment. This need for a "mental map" is deeply rooted in child development. According to child development experts, predictability is a cornerstone of a child's sense of security. An article from the Child Mind Institute on anxiety explains that when children don't know what to expect, their brains can perceive it as a threat, activating the nervous system's stress response. This can show up as anxiety, irritability, or clinginess. They aren't trying to be difficult; their brains are hardwired to seek safety through routine. By giving them a clear, predictable structure, we are directly helping to calm their nervous system. The best way to provide that structure is to create simple visual cues. A visual schedule is a game-changer because it takes the mental load off your child. They no longer have to hold the entire complex schedule in their head. Here are a few simple ideas: - A Color-Coded Calendar: Get a simple monthly calendar and use two different colored markers or stickers—one for your days and one for their other parent's days. Let them help you fill it out. - A Weekly Chart: Create a chart for the week with simple icons for school, activities, and a picture of you or their other parent for each day. This simple tool empowers your child. They can just look and know what's coming next, giving them a sense of control in a world that can often feel unpredictable.

Hey Superparents, Have you ever felt a pull from your old self? That echo of the person you were before the healing, before the boundaries, before you truly understood your own strength? Becoming a single parent after a divorce or major life change isn't just a new chapter; it's the beginning of a whole new identity. The journey to heal and rediscover yourself is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but it forges a new, more resilient you. If you're in the middle of the struggle right now, trust us: you will get through this, and one day you'll look back with pride at how far you've come. There's a powerful psychological concept for this transformation called Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). According to psychologists, a life crisis can shatter our old beliefs about the world and ourselves. This forces us to rebuild from the ground up. An article in the Harvard Business Review on the topic explains: "PTG is not simply a return to baseline — it is a process that leaves people better off than they were before." It’s the process of becoming a new person not in spite of the struggle, but because of it. That stronger, wiser person you've become? That's your Post-Traumatic Growth in action. Even as this powerful new you, you'll face tests. You might be tempted to lower a hard-won boundary for what looks like a quick win or an "accomplishment." This is the critical moment. Ask yourself: "Does this align with the person I have worked so hard to become?" If the answer is no, then it's not an accomplishment—it's a step backward into a cage you've already escaped. It's tempting, but staying true to your new self-worth is non-negotiable. The discomfort you feel standing your ground is temporary. That feeling isn't a crisis; it's the feeling of growth. It's not easy, but you are not on this journey alone. You have a whole community right here to support you and cheer you on. You've got this, because you are a Superparent. 💪