Your Most Powerful Superpower: The Safe Headquarters 🏠🛡️

Hi Superparents,

Have you ever noticed that your child saves their biggest, loudest emotions for your living room? Or that they fall deeply asleep in the car the second you pick them up?

It’s easy to think, "Why are they acting out with me?" But their nervous system is actually saying: "I am safe. I can finally let go."

The Psychology: Restraint Collapse There is a name for this: Restraint Collapse.

Children (and adults!) expend a huge amount of energy "holding it together" in environments where they feel they need to perform or be "good" to be accepted. When they finally return to their Safe Attachment Figure (you), that restraint collapses. The meltdown or the deep sleep, is actually the highest compliment. It means they don't have to wear a mask with you.

The "Other House" Dynamic It is painful when it feels like your child "prefers" the other house, or acts "perfect" over there. But remember: Conditional love comes from fear. If they are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting the other parent, they aren't being their true selves.

In your house, they don't have to perform. They can be messy, loud, and real.

The "Spilled Milk" Test In my book The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo visits a neighborhood called Perfect Point. He watches a child accidentally break a sandcastle and immediately throw himself to the ground in terror, screaming, "I broke it, it's not perfect!". That child was terrified of making a mistake.

Your house is the opposite of Perfect Point. In a Safe Headquarters, when milk spills, there is no yelling. We don't shame; we solve. "Oops, accidents happen. Let's grab a towel and clean this up together." You are teaching them that mistakes are not dangerous, they are just problems to be solved.

The Silent House I know the silence is hard when they leave. Watching the house become quiet can feel heavy. But you are a Safe Headquarters for yourself, too. While they are gone, nurture you. Fill your own cup so that when they come back, tired, emotional, and ready to "collapse" into your arms, you are ready to catch them.

👇 Let’s chat: What is one "Safe House Rule" you have (like 'No yelling over accidents') that makes your home different?

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