The Secret Playbook: Why Do They All Act the Same? 🎭

Are all narcs the same?

It is strangely funny (and a little creepy). Every time I talk to another person who has experienced this—whether it's a friend or a client—I am amazed by the uncanny similarities in the narcissist's modus operandi.

It’s almost like they all read the same secret manual before starting the relationship.

The "Insider" Connection It’s not the same when you talk to people who haven't been exposed to it. Outsiders often see the "charm" and think there is nothing wrong (which is the narc's goal, and they are good at hiding it). But when you talk to a survivor, the connection is instant. You finish each other's sentences. You realize they operate the exact same way, just with different actors and scenery.

The Psychology: Is it a Program? 🧠 Psychologically, the answer is yes.

The "False Self" Script: Pathological narcissism is often rooted in Arrested Emotional Development.

Psychologists often describe narcissists as "emotional toddlers" in adult bodies. Because their emotional growth stopped (often due to childhood trauma or wounds), they never developed a complex, authentic self.
Instead, they constructed a rigid "False Self" to survive. Since this False Self is artificial, it has a limited range of behaviors. It can't improvise; it can only follow the script it learned to get "supply" (attention/validation).

That is why they all say the same lines ("You're crazy," "I never said that," "You're too sensitive"). They are literally running a childhood defense program on a loop.

The Book Connection: Mirrorland In The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo visits Mirrorland, a place where everyone is obsessed with their image. But he notices something eerie about the reflections in the glass buildings:

"They are always the same."

Even though the people try to change their outfits or warp their image to look better, the core reflection never actually changes. It is a loop.

You Are Not Crazy If you feel like you are seeing a "glitch in the matrix" because your ex is acting exactly like a textbook description, you are right. It is impressive how accurate the similarities are. But once you see the script, you stop taking the play so seriously.

👇 Let’s compare notes: What is one "scripted line" your ex used that you were shocked to hear other narcissists use too? (Mine was: "I guess I'm just the bad guy then" whenever I tried to hold them accountable!)

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