Hi moms, Every child I work with loves their own ideas more than anyone else’s. They also love their routines, and they will protect them at all costs. It is easy to get trapped in a cycle. We honor the request to avoid a meltdown, and that decision slowly teaches them that strong control works. Over time it can spread to school, games with peers, chores, and daily plans. Then the tantrums get bigger, because real life will not let them control everything to the letter. That is usually the point when families start working with me. Here are the 3 main steps I use. 1. Balance their ideas with your requests Kids have wonderful imaginations, and I want them to know that. So I use both kinds of phrases. “I love your idea. Let’s do it.” And also, “Oh, you have a different idea from the one I had in my head. Let’s do our letters first, and then we can do your idea.” This keeps their creativity, while still showing them that someone else’s plan can happen too. 2. Slow the pace Some kids reach a point where they touch a toy for a second and then leave it. That is often more about impulsivity and the urge to move on than about not liking the toy. I like to pause and say, “Oh wait, I see something out of place,” and then we clean it up together. That small reset adds structure and a little flexibility without turning play into a lecture. 3. Add short, structured games I use simple turn taking games, or competitive games that I shorten so they are easy to finish and move on from. The goal is practice waiting, handling a surprise, and not winning every time. I also use dramatic, funny phrases like, “Oh no! I was not expecting that.” Kids often copy those phrases later when something unexpected or disappointing happens, which gives them a lighter way to handle the moment. The goal is not to shut down their ideas. The goal is to keep their ideas, and still teach them that other people, other plans, and small changes can be part of the day too. Does your child try to control games, routines, or what everyone else says?

Hi moms, This is a screenshot from a session with "D". He is not sitting at a table. He is not looking at the camera the whole time. He is on his play mat, with his toys and a balloon, and someone is right there with him. From the outside it can look like we are “just playing.” From my side, this is often where the real work starts. A lot of parents tell me they feel like a session, a school activity, or even playtime only counts if their child is sitting nicely and following the plan. I see the opposite most weeks. When a child feels safe in their own space, their body is usually more regulated, and they are more open to connection, turn taking, and trying something new. Some of the best sessions I have are the ones that look a little messy. The child is moving, lying down, or controlling the toys. My job is to meet them there and slowly add a little structure, not to force them into my idea of what learning should look like. Progress does not always look calm and quiet. Sometimes it looks exactly like this. Have you ever felt like the day only counted if your child sat still and followed along? I would love to hear what that looks like in your house.

Hey moms, Anticipating how your child will handle the day, whether they will get upset by a change of plans, struggle with a transition, or melt down when something does not go their way, is exhausting. I know this feeling well, even though I do not have kids of my own. Every week I work with about 30 children I deeply care about. I am constantly thinking ahead. What skill are we working on? How might they react? What is Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C if they get overwhelmed? That constant mental preparation takes real energy. Think of yourself as a pitcher of water. We all have different sized pitchers depending on our support system, sleep, stress levels, and daily demands. Some days your pitcher starts fuller than others. But every pitcher has a limit. When it runs low or empty, it becomes much harder to help your child regulate, stay patient during hard moments, or teach them something new. This is why protecting your own energy matters so much. You cannot pour into your child from an empty pitcher.The key is learning to notice when you are getting close to empty and having a few reliable ways to fill yourself back up. For me, the three things that most consistently refill my pitcher are music, coffee, and a morning walk. These small things help me reset so I can show up calmer and more present for the kids I work with. What about you? What are the things that help refill your pitcher? I would love to hear what actually works for you, even the small things. Feel free to share in the comments.

Hey moms, I talk to a lot of parents who are trying really hard. They’re reading the books, following the strategies, showing up every day… and still feel stuck. Their child isn’t learning new skills as quickly as they’d hoped, and the same power struggles keep showing up. So what’s the difference between the moms who start seeing real progress and the ones who stay stuck in the same cycles? It’s usually not that one group loves their child more or tries harder. The moms who make progress tend to do two things at the same time: They stay flexible and they know when and where to set kind boundaries. The Winning Combination These moms understand that kids (especially neurodiverse kids) learn best when things feel safe and playful. So they get creative. They turn practice into games. They follow their child’s interests. They adjust when something isn’t working.But they don’t hand over complete control. They also know how to say: - “We’re going to learn about this.” - “I know this is hard, and we can practice together.” - “I hear you, and we can do that game after we are done practicing this.” And then they calmly follow through. That balance is powerful. Too much rigidity without play often leads to shutdowns and bigger resistance. Too much flexibility without clear boundaries often leads to the child dictating everything and skills stop growing. The moms who make progress live in the middle.They create fun. They stay connected. And they still lead. Progress rarely comes from being only fun or only firm. It comes from knowing how to be both. You can be the parent who plays and laughs with your child…and still be the parent who holds kind, clear boundaries. That’s usually where the real change starts to happen. I’d love to hear from you: Where do you currently feel more stuck... on the “making it fun” side, or on the “holding boundaries and following through” side? Feel free to share in the comments. You’re not alone in this.

Hey moms, Have you noticed this pattern? Your child fights hard to control the daily routine — what they eat, where you go, the exact words you use, or even where you sit. They say no to an extracurricular class, a new food, or a small change in plans. But once they’re actually in the activity or therapy session… they’re having a blast. This leaves a lot of parents wondering: Is this just a control thing? A phase? Or something deeper? Here’s what’s really going on. Many autistic, ADHD, and other neurodiverse kids have brains that strongly prefer predictability. The prefrontal cortex (the part that helps with flexibility and shifting gears) develops more slowly and works differently in these kids. At the same time, deeper brain areas involved in habits and detecting threat (basal ganglia and amygdala) lean toward sameness.When something feels uncertain or new, their nervous system treats the change as more stressful. Sticking to the same foods, places, and routines becomes a way to feel safe and regulated. Researchers call this “insistence on sameness,” and it’s closely linked to lower cognitive flexibility and higher intolerance of uncertainty. So it’s usually not that your child is trying to be the boss just to be difficult. It’s their brain’s way of managing a world that feels overwhelming when things change.That’s also why the same child who resists going to therapy can thoroughly enjoy it once they’re there and everything feels familiar and predictable. The hardest part is often the transition and the unknown, not the activity itself. How to respond without handing over complete controlI recommend this balance: - Make some modifications to support regulation, but don’t honor every request. If we always give in (“I don’t want music class,” “I only want pizza,” “I don’t want you to sit there”), the pattern can expand. What starts as avoiding one activity can grow into avoiding school, only eating one food, or trying to control adult behavior. - Use clear, calm, emphatic language instead of long negotiations: “We’re in a music season right now. Here’s the calendar so you can see when it ends.” - For food: “You don’t have to eat it, but here are two other things on your plate too.” - Validate the feeling first, then hold the boundary: “I hear you really don’t want to go today. It’s okay to feel that way. We’re still going because it’s music season.” - Offer limited, real choices inside the non-negotiable: “We’re going to music. Do you want to walk or ride in the car?” - Use visuals and previews whenever possible so the information isn’t sudden. - Keep your boundary calm and relatively short. The less emotional charge we add, the less fuel the rigidity gets.