Hey moms, Have you noticed this pattern? Your child fights hard to control the daily routine — what they eat, where you go, the exact words you use, or even where you sit. They say no to an extracurricular class, a new food, or a small change in plans. But once they’re actually in the activity or therapy session… they’re having a blast. This leaves a lot of parents wondering: Is this just a control thing? A phase? Or something deeper? Here’s what’s really going on. Many autistic, ADHD, and other neurodiverse kids have brains that strongly prefer predictability. The prefrontal cortex (the part that helps with flexibility and shifting gears) develops more slowly and works differently in these kids. At the same time, deeper brain areas involved in habits and detecting threat (basal ganglia and amygdala) lean toward sameness.When something feels uncertain or new, their nervous system treats the change as more stressful. Sticking to the same foods, places, and routines becomes a way to feel safe and regulated. Researchers call this “insistence on sameness,” and it’s closely linked to lower cognitive flexibility and higher intolerance of uncertainty. So it’s usually not that your child is trying to be the boss just to be difficult. It’s their brain’s way of managing a world that feels overwhelming when things change.That’s also why the same child who resists going to therapy can thoroughly enjoy it once they’re there and everything feels familiar and predictable. The hardest part is often the transition and the unknown, not the activity itself. How to respond without handing over complete controlI recommend this balance: - Make some modifications to support regulation, but don’t honor every request. If we always give in (“I don’t want music class,” “I only want pizza,” “I don’t want you to sit there”), the pattern can expand. What starts as avoiding one activity can grow into avoiding school, only eating one food, or trying to control adult behavior. - Use clear, calm, emphatic language instead of long negotiations: “We’re in a music season right now. Here’s the calendar so you can see when it ends.” - For food: “You don’t have to eat it, but here are two other things on your plate too.” - Validate the feeling first, then hold the boundary: “I hear you really don’t want to go today. It’s okay to feel that way. We’re still going because it’s music season.” - Offer limited, real choices inside the non-negotiable: “We’re going to music. Do you want to walk or ride in the car?” - Use visuals and previews whenever possible so the information isn’t sudden. - Keep your boundary calm and relatively short. The less emotional charge we add, the less fuel the rigidity gets.

Hey moms, I’ve been thinking a lot about patience lately. Anyone can be patient when things are going well. When your child is laughing, cooperating, or having a good day — it’s easy to stay calm, playful, and present. But the true test of patience shows up when our kids are having a hard time. When they’re melting down. When they refuse every option we offer. When they’re overwhelmed, rigid, or completely dysregulated — and nothing seems to help. Those are the moments that reveal how patient we actually are. It’s in those messy, exhausting moments that kids need us the most. Not because we always get it perfect, but because they need to feel that we can still stay steady when their world feels chaotic. This is true for every child, and it often feels even more intense when our kids have a medical diagnosis, sensory differences, autism, ADHD, or other challenges that make regulation harder. Patience in the hard moments isn’t about never feeling frustrated. It’s about choosing, as best we can, to stay connected even when everything in us wants to walk away or push harder. I’m still learning this every day myself. I’d love to hear from you: What’s a recent moment when your child was having a really hard time… and you were able to stay patient (or at least try)? No pressure to have a perfect story. Just share whatever comes up for you. We’re all in this together.

Moms, have you noticed this?You put something new on your child’s plate, and they immediately leave the table… or start screaming “I don’t like it!”If you’re like me, this reaction is still surprising. They’ve never even tried the food. They just looked at it and went from calm to completely overwhelmed in seconds. Here are the top 3 reasons why this happens: 1. Imaginary Rules Smart kids often create their own rules and over-generalize them. For example: “I tried something green once and didn’t like it… so that means I don’t like anything green.” 2. Routine Kids love routines and stick to them tightly. Over time, rejecting new foods becomes part of their routine: “If I see something new → I push it away → done.” 3. Problem-Solving Kids are not responsible for figuring out their own texture aversions. That’s our job as adults (and therapists). We need to break food exploration into small, simple, and fun steps so their nervous system doesn’t feel so overwhelmed. What I Do in Feeding Therapy Here’s how I approach these challenges: 1. Challenge their rules with kindness. If a child says “I don’t like anything green,” we look for other green foods they already enjoy. This gently shows them that their rule isn’t always true. 2. Change the expectation.The goal is not “eat everything on the plate.” The real goal is to play and explore new foods in a low-pressure way. 3. Break foods down into smaller steps. Food doesn’t have to go in the mouth right away. We start with looking, touching, smelling, or licking first. These small shifts help kids feel safer and more willing to explore over time. Moms, I’d love to hear from you: What games or playful ideas have you tried at the table that make food exploration more fun for your child?

Have you ever tried explaining something logically to your child, only for them to get even more upset? A lot of parents tell me things like: “I tried to explain why we can’t go to the park today, and they just got more frustrated and upset.” Here’s what I want you to know: It’s usually not because they don’t understand logic. It’s often because they’re in a cognitive stage where their imagination is very strong, and magical or story-based thinking feels more natural and real to them right now. Kids with rich inner worlds (which we commonly see in neurodiverse children) can get so caught up in “what if” scenarios that pure logic doesn’t feel as believable or comforting. When you say something like “We can’t go because it’s raining,” their brain might immediately go to, “But what if the rain stops in five minutes?” or create their own story about why it should still be possible. This doesn’t mean they’re incapable of understanding logic. It means their brain is currently prioritizing imagination and storytelling at this stage of development. When we try to force logic in a dry or direct way, it can actually increase resistance and upset instead of helping. What tends to work better: Instead of fighting their imagination, I’ve found it much more effective to use it as a bridge. We take their love of stories and play, and gently weave logical ideas into them. For example: - Turning “you have to wait your turn” into a playful story about characters who take turns on an adventure. - Explaining why we wash our hands through a silly story about “germ monsters” that we need to wash away. - Using games and pretend play to practice cause and effect, instead of giving lectures. When we meet them in their imaginative world instead of trying to pull them out of it, they’re usually much more open and willing to explore logical ideas.Their big imagination isn’t a problem to fix, it’s a strength we can work with.

Hi moms! If you’ve ever felt frustrated because your child refuses almost every new food you offer, you’re definitely not alone. A lot of neurodiverse kids (especially those with sensory processing differences or autism) learn through repetition that saying “no” to new foods keeps them safe. When something looks, smells, feels, or tastes unfamiliar, their brain often flags it as a potential threat. So they shut it down, sometimes before they’ve even tried it. And here’s the hard truth: you can’t force a child to eat something new. If simply taking away their preferred foods until they ate broccoli actually worked, I wouldn’t have a job. Pressure, even when it comes from a place of love, usually increases anxiety and makes kids even more rigid around food. At the same time… kids are still kids. If you put an apple and a slice of pizza in front of most children and asked them to choose, they’re almost always going to pick the pizza. That’s normal. Our job as adults isn’t to remove all their preferences, it’s to gently expand what feels safe. How I shift the roles during feeding sessions: Instead of putting all the pressure on the child to “just try it,” we flip the responsibility: - Adults (parents + me) create a list of the child’s current preferred foods. - We plan meals using 3 simple categories: Protein + Carb + Veggie/Fruit. This takes the guessing game away from the child. - Kids get to decide how much they eat (this is huge for reducing power struggles). - Kids can help pick new foods at the grocery store, but adults decide what actually gets served at each meal. - Adults take responsibility for teaching and playing with food in low-pressure ways. - Kids get to decide when they’re ready to take a bite of something new. This small shift makes a big difference. When kids feel like they still have some control and safety, they’re often much more open to exploring over time without the daily battles. I’ve seen so many kids go from refusing almost everything new to slowly becoming more flexible, all because we stopped making them feel like they were failing at every meal.