Who are you? ​ The identities we apply to ourselves massively impact how we feel and how we act. ​ Someone who believes they are a “failure” will feel and act very differently from someone who believes they are a “success”, regardless of external objective measures. ​ If we fail an exam, that doesn’t make us a failure… ​ A single failure does not determine who we are. ​ We are biological animals, capable of spiritual experiences, with diverse personalities, unique achievements, and complex social relationships… ​ To base our identities (even if it’s only temporary) on the outcome of external events is ridiculous... ​ But since we’re programmed to focus on the negative, this happens more often than we’d like. ​ This overidentification with outcomes results in an identity completely susceptible to influences outside of our control. ​ If we need a “win” to feel like a winner, then we’ll spend half of our lives feeling like a loser. ​ Who we are (biological, psychological, socially related, spiritual beings) is far more than just our grades, income, or relationship status. ​ As soon as we tie our identity to an outcome, we are setting ourselves up for misery, because no area of our lives will ever be perfect. Who we are does not require a label. We are a human experiencing the here and now, and we don’t need to be anything more. ​ #132

There are so many different practices that will help you reclaim your patterns of focus and engage with positive emotions, such as: -Meditation (my favourite) -Gratitude Journalling -Letters of appreciation -Intentional acts of kindness… ​ And the best one is whichever one works for you. ​ Once you’ve decided what sort of positive practice you would like to integrate into your life, the next step is deciding how frequently you are going to commit to that practice. ​ Here are some examples: ​ You could meditate for 10 minutes every day… ​ Or you could meditate for 1 hour once a week. ​ (Both options would likely benefit you to the same degree). ​ You could write down 3 things you’re grateful for every other night… ​ Or you could write down 15 things you are grateful for once per week. ​ You could commit to doing one random act of kindness every day… Or, you could decide to do as many kind acts as possible on Thursdays only. ​ Each day, you could send a different person a quick message about how you love and appreciate them… ​ Or you could wait for their birthday and write them a thoughtful, meaningful letter detailing everything you love and appreciate about them. ​ It doesn’t really matter what sort of practice you engage with, or how frequently you follow through. ​ As long as you’re motivated to follow through on a consistent basis (however often that may be), you will begin to develop your ability to shift your patterns of focus and engage with positive emotions. ​ #131

We understand that focusing on the negative isn’t helpful… ​ We understand that listening to our automatic negative thoughts isn’t helpful… ​ So why do we keep doing it? ​ Well, there are two types of knowledge: ​ Explicit knowledge and Tacit knowledge. ​ Explicit knowledge is knowing the facts. ​ Tacit knowledge is knowing how to do something based on personal experience. ​ A physicist knows the exact angle and amount of force required to score a 3-pointer in basketball. (Explicit knowledge) ​ But Steph Curry knows what throwing that exact shot every time feels like. (Tacit knowledge) ​ Just because we understand something intellectually doesn’t mean we know how to do it. ​ Understanding the importance of awareness and shifting your internal monologue is just the first step. ​ Step 2 is practising. ​ The reason we don’t follow through on the things we know we should do is that we haven’t made it a habit. ​ Building a consistent meditation practice helps create a mental habit of noticing, accepting and letting go of arising thoughts and emotions. ​ Reading about meditation is great... ​ But the real benefits come from the habitual skills that develop from consistent practice. ​ Start small, start simple, and over time, these skills will become second nature. ​ #130

129. Accept pain, reject suffering. Breakups hurt… ​ Exams are stressful… ​ Death is heartbreaking… ​ Being underslept is irritating… ​ Being overworked is exhausting… ​ As much as we would all love to avoid these painful events, they will all happen at some point… ​ And that’s ok. ​ When these painful states arise, there are two ways in which we can deal with them: ​ 1. Notice and accept. ​ 2. Ignore and suppress ​ Noticing these emotions arise and accepting them as part of our experience allows us to feel the pain for an appropriate amount of time and take the necessary action to move on. ​ Ignoring and suppressing our emotions typically leads to our internal monologues spiralling into how “not good enough” we are. ​ Attempting to think your way out of emotional pain is like trying to solve a maths equation with “vibes”. ​ You’re using the wrong part of your brain. Getting into the habit of noticing how emotions feel, rather than thinking about what they mean, helps avoid spiralling into negativity. ​ Life isn’t going to be perfect. ​ When something goes wrong, we can simply notice and accept the painful emotions (however many times they come up), instead of ignoring, suppressing, and devolving into a state of chronic suffering. #129