Send in your questions and I'll answer them and more over the next few weeks.

Hello! I've missed you all! I had to unexpectedly step away to get a few life stressors under control. But I'm back and more excited about this space than ever before. As a thank you for sticking with me, I'm offering you all FREE access to my next online program, "The Hot Six", where we'll cover six changes that are certain to make your sex life better, even if it's solo! Use code SKOOL when checking out. https://square.link/u/gtgmDIWU

I was recently asked here about some of the kinks that have a more negative perception, such as being degraded, and whether or not the origins of those are rooted in trauma. My short answer at the time was...sometimes. Here's the longer answer. First, we have to address what trauma is. Trauma is not an event. It's the way our body reacts to an event. For example, two people can be involved in the same car crash. One person will complete a stress cycle and move on. The other person might not complete the stress cycle and spend the next 20 years experiencing PTSD. Essentially, trauma doesn't care how big or small the event is. It all depends on how your body reacts to the event. So, when we're looking at the origin of a kink, it's often better to look at life events instead of limiting it to trauma. Let's take the example of someone who had a difficult childhood. Perhaps they were neglected or even abused. These life events can show up in the kink world in one of two ways. They may choose "resolution", where they seek experiences that are the complete opposite, filled with devotion, want, and love. Or they may choose "repetition with agency". In this case, the person seeks to repeat the same experiences, only this time they are in control, developing scenes and setting rules. They may seek to engage with a partner who uses derogatory language or enjoy pain play. This can be an empowering experience for them - and is very different from someone who has unresolved feelings and is falling into a familiar pattern because they don't feel worthy of more. I know this topic can be a hard one. Sometimes there's judgement from the outside looking in or there's shame if you're the one who is into a less conventional desire. Remember, if you choose to participate in this discussion, it must be done without judgement. However, curiosity is always welcome.