After my AuDHD diagnosis at 48, I first felt elated. I finally knew what was 'wrong' with me. But after the relief and research into the 'condition', I started experiencing a slow collapse of my entire constructed reality. This part felt more than terrifying, it was destructive in a way that had me fearing I had lost my sanity, a psychotic break or two and several times lost the will to live and carry on. The three things that saved me, was my puppy (although, one day I'll tell you about that overwhelm), TRE® (Tension and trauma releasing exercises) and the people around me who have silently stood by me watching as my life as I knew it imploded over an over again. I thank you all. You think I don't notice, but I do. I find myself rotating through the five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, looping through them time and again, as I'm discovering new limits to former abilities. On top of that, we started accessing childhood trauma as well, and I am still figuring out which parts are Autism traits and which are childhood trauma remnants. Part of the journey I suppose. The most frustrating thing about the beginning of my process was the inability to cope the way you used to, my threshold shrinks and expands on a moment to moment basis. My ability to focus - SHATTERED!! The emotional overwhelm, immense. The complete dissolution of who I thought I was, to the point of thinking I will never pull myself back towards myself, I was too far gone. It felt like I had a complete memory wipe at one stage. I struggled with basic tasks that were once manageable, and I am certain if muscle memory wasn't a thing, I would have had to quit my job. I couldn't tell blue from pink or even how to draw a rectangle on the design applications at work. In fact, I'm not certain how I still have that job. Masking is not simply “pretending.” For me, it was a full-body survival strategy. And I had no idea that I was doing it. They call us chameleons for a reason. I am learning that I masked by suppressing my sensory needs, scripting and rehearsing conversations in social settings, being socially mute, or socially loud, depending on the Dopamine level on the day. I used to be excellent at forcing productivity, that went out the door very quickly. One of those limits I discovered, and is only now slowly coming back online.

Starting is hard when your nervous system isn't on your side. You don't need pressure. You need presence. Join me for the live Parallel Resonance Room tomorrow from 12-1pm SAST You don't have to talk. Just come sit and work with me.

My brain struggles with "the start button." I have tried every planner, app, whiteboard and alarm under the sun—only to find that the harder I try to force focus, the more my brain resists. I am creating a space, where I can find like minded individuals, where I can work, without the pressure of engaging with anyone socially, but I have the assurance that someone is there with me. That presence gives me the impetus to get started and helps me build momentum. It isn't just a productivity hack; it’s a nervous system regulation workaround. When someone else is in the 'room' with me—even silently— I don't need to generate 100% of the energy myself, and neither to you. Just the presence creates a "container" of focus that I can simply step into. I am not building the structure; I'm just joining it. And so can you.

This is a quick introduction to everyone. This is me and why this room exists. A co-working space for those who need someone there, but is not necessarily good with people in their physical space. If you procratinate and need someone there, but not there. This space is for you.

What a morning co-working with you.