The time that I looked back at was when I had asked my ex if we didn’t go back to trying poly if it would mean she would want to end things. When she said yes I completely lost it and broke down for 10 minutes on the ground.
The truth of this was that the part in me of always being alone and left out as a child that would do anything to please people to fit in didn’t want to go back to feeling alone again without her in my life. I had become so connected to her that I didn’t have a life outside of her.
Now knowing this I’ve learned that I can stand on my own and create a life that doesn’t require a partner to still be me.