After-Life There Is Laughter?- And "A Little Rain Must Fall"...

Don't remember the name of the song from where those words about the rain falling came, but like all things in life a little rain is necessary for growth.

And as a caregiver, I couldn't possibly believe things could get harder.

They do - and then that passes, or so they say.

Eventually, I guess.

Never would have believed I could cry so hard to the point of beyond migraine and feeling like you could vomit - and for days afterwards.

Never would have thought MAiD could be a blessing and something so hard to deal with personally on a deeply emotional level.

If you were part of my pack, I would walk through fire for you and come out the other side, singed a bit ... but I'd find a way, no matter what, if it took my last breath.

Only this time, it wasn't fire, it was something else entirely.

And I won't rant about the lack of humanity in certain things back then, like not allowing services of certain kinds.

We often treat our pets more humanely than we treat our family.

Choices.

Emotions.

Inner convictions, beliefs, everyone's got an opinion and everyone's circumstances are different, but the end result is still the same.

Where do you go from here?

How can you possibly GROW from this?

Not choosing is also a choice was a mantra - until it wasn't.

Sometimes the choice inadvertently ends up being a warped kind of time-loop.

And sometimes the choice is a daily negotiation to just live one minute, one moment at a time.

Then one day at a time, then ... you get the idea.

And then, it's like the sun slowly breaking through the clouds after a long, long rain ... and you start to regain your footing, and you begin find joy in things you once did - or maybe you find something else that re-fuels your soul.

It could be photography (like me), or painting (I used to), or gardening (another love), fishing, hiking, a fast car and a windy road, or just sitting on the beach and soaking in the new essence of who and what you are allowing into your life and your "self".

And I began building a new version of me.

Or brings back the scrappy side of your personality (remember "Scrappy" - Sylvester the cat's kid)?

Or maybe its the side of you, the one that's had enough.

What's that look like?

Hmmm.... don't like that ... tear that down.

Or...

OK - guess I like this, let's do more of it and explore that me, more ... a lot more.

I have to admit, shadow work, or inner balance requires a bit of soul searching, balance and clarity.

Growth after loss is not easy.

Emotion doesn't deal in logic.

You can't logic your way out of grief.

Don't care how hard you try.

If you do try to win that argument with yourself, let me know how it goes.

And then, well.... there's the fun, weird and quirky things in life that bring back tears of laughter.

Sometimes you feel a "life-after-life" connection or feel like they're just in "the other room", or you'll hear an inner voice crack a joke that just cracks you up - something only they would have said - with their verve, their flare.

Today I'd like to share one such crack-up joke with you.

I had just lost my dad a few weeks before, and it was the middle of c-mandates.

The lock-downs were ramping up even tighter, and the conveys were not quite yet on the radar.

Our PM went on the news to ask if they should "tolerate these people", and in the last 18 months of my dad's life, I couldn't even take him to a cafe to enjoy a coffee out with me.

Things were looking pretty grim, and as I was driving past a billboard sign with a masculine-type message, and in my head I hear my dad's voice and although he was never one for mincing words, he did have a dry sense of humor and blunt to-the-point way of saying things.

So, as I'm driving past this sign mulling over the unprecedented happenings and my options - my eyes flash to this sign and here is what I heard ....

It started with a sudden, unexpectedly loud and un-mistakeable snicker and dad's voice saying "grow your own testicles".

WTF?!!!

Out loud I reply in amazement:

"WHAT?! It did NOT say THAT, dad!"

I glance around, I check my radio and then...

I even pulled over, got out, and walked back down the road to see the sign.

Sure enough, it wasn't anything to do with what I heard.

And his choice of words, wasn't his usual - nor were they mine. I mean, we both would have used the word "balls". It was like they wanted to get the message across (more on the hidden message in that another time).

But today, it was about police being on guard for thee.

Calm.

Re-assuring.

In a world gone mad.

At least somebody had the gonads to say it.

Somehow, those quirky words in his voice stuck with me that season and made the world a little brighter.

They still do.

And I still see dad's smile.

And darn if I can't still hear his snicker!

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