Purpose—a personal struggle

I want to name something I struggle with—this pressure to find my purpose, to be in service and to know my unique eternal soul duty on why I’m here. The more I see it come to my awareness in different cultures—dharma, ikigai, kuleana— it continuously frustrates me to not feel I have this one thing or specific calling to name. This point between passion, mission, vocation, service and profession is where I yearn to have clarity.

I feel a tension between the fire of purpose and the fog of inaction. It’s tough because I feel like my purpose is a wildfire—spreading wide, burning deep—but not striking like a lightning bolt with clear direction and focus. I feel I’m being pulled in all directions without an anchor. Without knowing where to lay the anchor leaves me in a state of non-commitment and even numbness at times.

There’s a quote that’s been sitting heavy on my heart that says “every human is guilty of all the good they did not do.” This weighs on me not because of the guilt I feel for not doing more, but the responsibility I hold knowing I’m capable of more. I see myself doing more. I see the visions, but vision without action is a daydream and action without vision is a nightmare. I’ve lived both but lately, I feel in a prolonged fucking daydream.

I’m here to turn vision into aligned action—to create momentum within myself through tribe. I’m committing myself to this community because what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working and committing to nothing has left me distracted by everything.

I’m ready to take more aligned action in my life. I’m ready to be witnessed without being remotely close to having this “life” or “purpose” thing figured out. I’m ready to do more—for myself, for my community, for my contribution while I’m here.

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