Rediscovering Authenticity (+ Memento Mori Reflection)
For a long time, I believed that “perfect” and complete authenticity was our natural, innate state as human beings, and that any struggle to embody it was unnatural, a problem to be fixed. Whenever I felt “not authentic enough” I blamed and judged myself. Paradoxically, this pressure made me even less myself. I felt guilty for holding back in certain social environments, trying not to upset the group, not to be rejected, not to stand out too much. Recently, I came across a perspective from the philosopher Martin Heidegger that completely shifted my understanding. According to Heidegger, authenticity is not our default state as a human being. In fact, inauthenticity is natural at our core, because we are social creatures constantly caught between two competing needs: expressing our uniqueness while ensuring our safety through acceptance by the group. In Being and Time (Sein und Zeit), he explains that humans are fundamentally “inauthentic” by default, living immersed in the world of others, the “They” (Das Man). This changes everything. Authenticity is not fully innate, it's nurtured along the way, as we learn to balance being accepted with honouring our individuality. True liberation begins when we understand that it’s okay not to be fully naturally authentic all the time, this tension is an inherent part of being human. The goal, however, is to acknowledge this tension, regularly turn inward, and engage in the inner work of moving toward authenticity, while intentionally reconnecting with yourself and maintaining the balance, walking the tightrope between honoring your uniqueness and respecting the group, without denying the importance of connection or slipping into narcissism that stunts natural human and social development. One simple way to reconnect with authenticity is through introspection, particularly by contemplating our mortality, what the Stoics called Memento Mori. Remembering that our lives are finite reconnects us to our essence, frees us from external pressures, and awakens a natural sense of urgency, significance, and the unique value of our existence.