As long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to go to a tropical place. Bali first came onto my radar probably about 15–20 years ago and for me it was like the dream place to go to, but I’d never thought that it would be something that would come to reality, that I would ever be able to go. FOR ME, THIS ALWAYS FELT OUT OF REACH 👀 For me going to Bali has always been one of them out-of-reach dreams, but that’s no longer the case. That dream has become reality after a good few years of complete shit that’s happened, and taking the time to really decide on what matters for me in life and what I really want out of my life, I decided that fuck it. Why not aim for this dream? This big dream. Why not make going to Bali a reality? AND THERE’S MORE TO THIS STORY. I had a car accident six years ago that was quite a horrific one, but that’s a story for another day, and as a result of that I had quite a severe shoulder injury that saw me being given a payout that actually opened my eyes to so many possibilities. My awesome friend Mimi lives in Bali, and seeing her pictures and videos every day just made that dream cement even deeper into my brain. Like… I want this. I really want this. I want to be there. Every time we went on holiday, every time we went somewhere, it just felt harder to come home. THEN THIS HAPPENED 😁 Mimi is doing a retreat in Bali, and when she first posted about it I was very much like, I would love to do that. I’ve always wanted to go on a retreat and do something that’s just solely for me, but I never really thought that was a possibility. Being a single parent, not having a dad in the picture to be able to pick up the slack when I want time out, it just kind of left me with no options really. My adult kids are really helpful and they support where they can, but the girls have got their own kids now and their own lives, it’s hectic, it’s busy, and my son is the same. AND THEN THE MONEY CAME THROUGH 💸 And when I had that money come through, I just knew that this was something I could do for myself.

And today didn’t really go to plan. See, thing is with my birthday… I had the thoughts that I was going to do quite a bit of work and just plod along, and that was all good. AND THEN LIFE DID ITS THING. I had phone calls with my two oldests wishing me a happy birthday, and I stepped away for a little bit. My mind was blown and I needed to just switch off. Later I messaged one of the guys that was recommended to collect me from the airport and made the arrangements for that to happen, which was one thing ticked off my to do list which actually felt really good. THAT FELT LIKE PROGRESS Something was ticked off the list, which is progressively getting more urgent to get things done, and the nerves have started to kind of kick in a little bit more today. I spoke to my second daughter about it, she pointed out that considering the challenges that I face with my multiple neurodiversities and anxiety, she is not surprised that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, afterall each one brings it’s own challenges but all together it’s the trump card, for all things stress-related. BUT I’M TRYING NOT TO STRESS. Because I want to enjoy this. I want to enjoy the experience of the lead-up and the experience of doing a solo trip for the first time ever. AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. I had a chat with my friend this morning, who absolutely loved one of my presents, which was amazing, and my friend said to me that she has seen some little cute crochet things that she likes. That kind of gave me a bit of a lightbulb moment, that I could probably take some yarn and my crochet needles, and while I’m waiting for my flight or on my flight or my transfer, whatever, I could just take my mind off things by doing a little bit of crocheting. Nothing big. Nothing major. Just little things that would make a big difference and be really meaningful to people. AND THIS IS WHY THAT MATTERS Because that will help to kind of calm my mind when things are a bit chaotic. Because let’s face it, doing something alone for the first time comes with so many different emotions and thoughts, and they can really start to take over if you don’t acknowledge them and allow them to actually be processed fully.