Jul '24 • Challenges and Celebrations <3
Being willing to be someone's bad guy
One of the tricky things about this time space reality is that the whole thing is set up on the good/bad paradigm. Our very nervous system requires there to be a good guy and a bad guy, for us to feel safe or not safe there has to be a threat. We can make the threat ourselves or someone else, and when we have a lot of practice and skill and resourcing we can sometimes access a place where there is no danger and no more bad guys because we allow 'life to life" (thanks Jessa Reed). But in those times when people don't have skill/practice/resourcing, they have to find a bad guy to fight against/flee from/freeze to avoid and we are very likely to experience being somebody's bad guy from time to time. One of the most precious gifts my ex has given me is the opportunity to get comfortable being her bad guy. It took me a long time, but now I feel pretty ventral about it. This week, I've been my friend's bad guy during this vacay and it caught me by surprise and I resisted. But just like it's way more scary and dangerous when you resist a wild wave (learned that first hand today in 5-7' intense waves), when you resist being someone's bad guy by trying to convince them otherwise or fawning or walking on eggshells or any other tactic, you can get pounded! So grateful I have you all and so many good people in my life right now who can remind me that it is safe to be her bad guy and other than what I am thinking and believing, I am totally ok!
How do you all relax into the wave of being someone's bad guy?
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Being willing to be someone's bad guy
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Learning to surf the waves of life in community, letting go of obligation and judgement and embracing the wisdom of our nervous system.
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