12d • General discussion
Too Long but Soo True | The boat he carried
I realized…
I have always been the first to leave my own self
when storms came…
when I felt lost.
I would hide.
But Allah
He never left me.
My small boat
always on autopilot,
always being carried by Him,
even when I could not see.
And now…
it feels as if He is saying:
“Look back. I have been carrying you all along.”
This time…
I will not hide inside the ship
when I see bad weather coming.
This time…
I will stay.
I will trust.
I will remember
that my past is proof enough.
And yet…
I feel the fear.
The thought that comes quietly:
I hope Allah never says of me…
“she did not value Me the way I deserved.”
Because my love for me…
was less than His love for me.
My sincerity with me…
was less than His sincerity with me.
And now…
I feel a quiet excitement.
A trembling curiosity.
To see what waits at the end, to witness my boat reaching its shore
To witness the problems that seem huge to me…
being solved by the Best of Planners…
as He always has.
Not in theory…
but in real, practical ways.
Not just in words…
but in moments unfolding slowly, beautifully…
His Names revealing themselves,
their meanings alive in my life.
Can’t you see?
The One who has always been carrying your boat…
knows exactly who you are.
No…
you cannot lead your life the way you want,
when you want to.
It is as if He is saying:
“You’ve been choosing the wrong people…
staying humble in the wrong places…
don’t do that kind of ‘ahsan’ to yourself.
I have a plan…
and you will follow it.
Even if emotions hit you…
you cannot touch what is meant for you.
But when you finally come to your senses…
and see who is truly there for you…
you will live a life full of satisfaction,
Just like Allah told Musa (A.S.)
to throw away the stick he was depended on…
and trust him and grab the snake…
I must let go of what I cling to…
and trust Him completely.
And it feels like He is asking me…
“Why do you get hurt so deeply by people…
when I love you?
And I pause…
because the question is gentle…
but it reaches the deepest places inside me.
But Allah
You loved me before I loved myself.
You understood me
when even I could not understand my own heart.
You forgave me
when I was still learning how to forgive myself.
So why do I break
for hands that were never meant
to hold my whole worth?
Maybe…
You are teaching me
to stop begging for small cups of love…
when I am already drowning
in an ocean of Yours.
And maybe…
every hurt was a reminder
not to close my heart…
but to return it
to the One
who never breaks it.
Ya Allah…
teach me to stay…
teach me to trust openly…
teach me to love sincerely…
because You have been always there…
even when I was not there for myself.....
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Too Long but Soo True | The boat he carried
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