I caught myself doing the math again this week... How many members in my Skool community I thought I'd have by now or how many new followers on Instagram and TikTok. Where I thought I'd be in life, having kids, the house with the white fence.. The list can go on and on. And I realized I was measuring my whole life from the wrong end. I read The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani a while back, and one idea got stuck with me. He borrows it from Dan Sullivan and calls it the reverse gap. Most of us measure progress by staring at the goal and counting how far away it is. So we feel behind. Every time. The goal moves the moment we get close. The reverse gap flips the direction. Instead of measuring from where you are to where you want to be, you measure from where you started to where you are now. Same life. Completely different feeling. When I look at the gap ahead of me, my neural system gets tight and rushed. When I look at the distance I've traveled, my breath gets deeper into my belly and my shoulders come down. I stop feeling stressed. Looking ahead says "not there yet." Looking back says "I'm safe enough to keep going." You don't have to drop the big vision. Lakhiani's point is to keep it and just not tie your happiness to it. Happy now, pulled forward by the vision. Both. Here are three things I invite you to try this week: 1. The Reverse Gap List. Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down everything you've created, survived, learned or let go of since you started this path. Big and small. The things that feel ordinary to you count too. 2. Change the measuring stick. Next time you feel behind, ask yourself what you're measuring against. If it's an imagined future version of you, ask instead: where was I a year ago on this exact thing? Answer in one sentence. 3. Thank the You who started. Write two or three sentences to the version of you from a year ago. Thank that version of you for one specific thing that you did, even when it was scary or you had no idea if it would work, that you're benefiting from today. 4.

Have you tried manifesting but it just doesn't work? When you try to say affirmations you truly don't believe are true, it can feel like you're lying to yourself. Your body knows. And that gap between what you're saying and what you actually feel creates resistance, not the change you are seeking. Here's the thing, manifestation isn't about forcing yourself to believe something you don't. It's about how your brain is actually wired. Your brain has a built-in filter so it's constantly scanning for evidence of what's true. Whatever you focus on, it goes looking for proof to back it up. When you ask a question instead, you activate that search system. Your brain can't just sit with an open question and do nothing with it. It needs to close the loop. That's the part most people miss. Your mind doesn't like unresolved things. An open question is an open loop, and your brain will work quietly in the background until it finds an answer. That's exactly why questions feel safer than affirmations. Affirmations can create pressure. You're asserting something your body doesn't fully believe yet, and that gap creates resistance. Questions don't do that. They create curiosity instead of tension. So instead of telling yourself 100 times a day "I am rich," try "why is money starting to flow to me more easily?" Your neural system registers safety in that shift. Your brain starts hunting for confirmation. And that's how new patterns actually start to build, not through force, through repetition of the right question. Here are a few questions to play with but feel free to personalize them for you: Why am I already feeling calmer than I used to be? Why is money starting to flow to me more easily? Why am I attracting more love and support than before? A few things I invite you to try this week: 1. Pick one affirmation you've been forcing and turn it into a question. Ask it out loud, even if it feels strange at first. 2. Notice when your brain starts answering. A small moment of ease, a memory, a person showing up. That's the evidence surfacing. Write it down. 3. Ask your question first thing in the morning, before your day fills up with all your to-do’s. Let it be the loop your brain works on all day. 4.

Most of us are, and we don't even realize it. I didn't either, well not until I really started paying attention to my neural system, my patterns, the tension I was carrying around without even noticing it. It had just become normal to me. I didn't know there was another way to feel. I work with this daily, honestly. For years I was living in fight-or-flight without knowing that's what it was. I thought I was just a "tense person." Or that I worked better “under stress” and “deadlines” made me deliver better results. Turns out my body had been on guard for a very long time and nobody ever told me that was something I could actually change. Holding your breath is usually a safety response. Your body doing what it thinks it needs to do to keep you protected. I still catch myself doing it; tensing my stomach like I'm about to take a hit to the gut (don't worry, the only time that actually happens is in martial arts and I'm totally fine 🙂). It's almost funny once you notice it. Your body preparing for an impact that isn't coming. When your neural system doesn't feel fully safe, the whole body stays a little tight, a little on alert. Jaw clenched. Shoulders creeping up toward your ears. Belly pulled in tight. Breath shallow or straight up held. You've probably felt this and just didn't have a name for it. Here are a few gentle things that have helped me shift this, without forcing anything: - Exhale first. Don't chase a bigger inhale because that usually makes it worse. Just let the breath leave you fully, all the way out and let the next inhale arrive on its own. You don't have to reach for it. - Soften your tummy. A relaxed tummy is one of the fastest signals you can send your neural system that you're safe right now. Try placing a hand there. Just put your attention there and try to feel your body. - Name it. This one sounds too simple to work, but it does. Quietly noticing "I'm holding my breath". That's already regulation. You don't have to fix it immediately. Naming it is the first shift.