Instantly's AI 🤖Copywriting✍️ is Atrocious!! Can You See the Problem ⛔?

I was on a Clarity Call with

yesterday after his post: About Facebook Ads and Cold Email.

He was seeing 25% go to SPAM 🚫 and was pointing the finger👉 at Microsoft. I asked him to let me see his copy? He insisted that it was fine since it was written by Instantly's AI and their support told him it was a Microsoft thing.

Finally he sent over his copy!! Can you See the Problem?

What Instantly AI Wrote:

Subject: helping students + growing your revenue = win-win

Salutations Cecilio,

Your organization's dedication to empowering marginalized communities through education and healthcare initiatives is truly inspiring. Keep up the amazing work!

Our math school had numerous questions from parents asking, “Do you also offer music lessons?”

Consequently, I’ve been sending them to my partners who specialize in music education.

This strategy has proven to be quite effective.

Another partner experienced a 30% boost in student sign-ups after implementing my referral program. (And perhaps a few future rockstars in the making.)

This could be a great opportunity for you as well—together, we can connect with more students and create lasting success, and a nice commission for every referral you make.

Let me know if you'd like to explore this further—I’d be happy to share more.

Alexander Kolchinsky

CEO @ Russian Math Tutors

Phone: (408) 960-5333

Address: 389 Huckleberry Dr. San Jose, CA 95123

P.S. Cecilio, if you don't wish to receive further emails from me, simply reply with the word 'unsubscribe,' and I’ll ensure you’re removed from my list.

Sent from my iPhone.

🤕 I got a headache just looking at that CRAP 💩

My Rewrite:

Subject: How Music Helped Jonnie Learn Math!!

Did I see that you help underprivileged kids in your local community {{firstName}}? That touched my heart!!

I teach Math!!! I KNOW Super Boring, to a music teacher, but I’ve found that Students who learn to play an instrument begin to grasp math as well.

I’m looking for a select few to partner with through a referral program.

If you would like to explore if we can work together to create more well rounded little humans, simply REPLY “Math & Music are Magic”

Alex

PS - if you don’t like the idea just send back “Math Sucks”

[make super small text]:

Address: 389 Huckleberry Dr. San Jose, CA 95123

Spintaxed

Subject: {{RANDOM | How Music Helped Jonnie Learn Math | Music Made Math Fun for Jonnie | How Music and Math Changed Jonnie’s World }},

Did I {{RANDOM | catch | hear | see}}, that you work with underprivileged kids in your community {{firstName}}? That really {{RANDOM | resonated with me | struck a chord with me | touched my heart }}!

I teach math – {{RANDOM | boring, I know | not the most exciting subject | not as exciting as music, I’m sure }} – but I’ve noticed something incredible: when students start learning an instrument, they {{RANDOM | begin to understand math concepts | show improvement in math skills | suddenly see math in a new light }}.

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