17d • General discussion
“The Space Between Control and Trust”
My loves....I get it. I promise, I really do.
I sit face to face with my mentors, guides and support team and I'm called in to facing my own language and patterns of behavior.
The difference is that I'm not afraid to be seen in disruption. I'm not afraid. Period. It didn't happen overnight. But it did begin once I no longer made excuses as to why it could no longer happen for me. This is my invitation for you. It's OK to feel fear. As a matter of fact, I get anxious with my own mentors. But feeling fear or anxiety and remaining trapped within it constantly and allowing it to control me are two different things. This is why I say I'm not afraid. I may feel fear, but I am not that which I feel, because I am not defined by it or controlled by it. It no longer dictates my choices. It no longer prevents me from showing up and going all in with my decision to remain committed to my self development. With that, I want to share something else....
I’ve been noticing—both in myself and in the work we do together— how quickly the mind tries to organize outcomes. It is seeking to uphold the comfort of control that its always known. Not because anything is wrong, but because the nervous system is trying to feel safe. This control can look like planning, fixing, anticipating, explaining… even trying to ‘get it right’ in spaces like this. And what I’m more curious about lately is this—
What happens when we don’t try to control the outcome of a moment, but instead stay present with what’s actually happening in the body?
Not to remove the pattern. Not to fix it.
Just to see it… as it’s happening.
Can you recall a recent moment where you noticed yourself trying to control an outcome— a conversation, a perception, a decision, or even how you were being received?
What did that feel like in your body?
If you look underneath the need to control in that moment…what was your system trying to avoid or protect you from? Possible answers that might surface are: rejection, being misunderstood, losing control, not being enough, uncertainty.
Control isn’t the problem. It’s a strategy.
The body learned somewhere that controlling the outcome creates safety. But what’s interesting is—
when we can actually see the strategy in real time…
something begins to loosen on its own. In any of the moments that you have shared this week,
where did you have an opportunity—however small—
to stay with yourself instead of trying to control what was happening outside of you? What would it have looked like to let the moment unfold without managing it?
Accountability in this work isn’t about doing better or getting it right. It’s the willingness to see— "Oh, I’m trying to control this." And instead of following that pattern automatically, we stay with ourselves just long enough for something new to emerge.
Not forced. Not performed.
Just… available.
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“The Space Between Control and Trust”
