10d (edited) • General discussion
Fear of loss of control over body, health, life...
My I can't is the powerlessness I feel in regards to my body and my health. But also in general in regards to (my) life. I am noticing the intense control I am trying to exert in order to avoid feeling and also be seen as out of control/powerless and how it is present in all interactions and even the moments I am alone with myself...trying to change, trying to, trying to meditate or do something to get to a state where I feel I can face life or other people in a way where I can be seen as vital, attractive, pretty, kind, open, balanced...and then maybe believe that myself.
Also that control is connected to constant judgment of a moment, of others and myself. And being aware of it arising still doesn't necessarily free me from the pattern. It places a wall between me and others and there's few moments where I feel it disappear. Trying to perfect the moment separates me from what's really happening and leads to dissatisfaction because it's never perfect.
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Fear of loss of control over body, health, life...
