I want to jump out of my skin... · Intuitive Alchemy Academy

28d (edited) • ✨Identity Alchemy Challenge🔥

I want to jump out of my skin...

I just want to talk about what I'm experiencing at this point in the Identity Alchemy Challenge.

Day 23/28: We are getting close to the end now and everything is going according to schedule and my body is literally feeling the gradual shifts that haven taken place. The work is compounding and now the body is catching up to the work we've done up until now.

I want to start by saying, It feels VERY uncomfortable to have more time and energy. It's like my mania wants to kick in a spend it all like a kid with too much money in a candy shop. I want to GOOO even when I'm meant to be still. My body spent its whole life being overactivated and in overdrive. This is part of living with bipolar. It's been my mission to manage my bipolar by giving myself structure and managing my energy intentionally and my body simply wants to get up go go go go.

So much is coming up that hasn't been processed over the years and it has triggered my PTSD symptoms, to be honest. My time in the military suppressed parts of my identity that didn't have the space or acknowledgement to be processed so it got shoved down. Im at a point in my life, many years later, that I'm able to now process it.

My nervous system is already always activated from a biological stand point so things compound quickly when living with bipolar. It's like always being turned on and the military trauma added to this and made it MUCH worse.

Part of finding myself outside of the military, is managing the need to operate from hyper vigilance and urgency. I'm VERY aware of when I'm activated and even now as I type, I'm speeding up while typing and feeling the tension and speed rise as autopilot starts to take over simply by talking about this.

What has been helpful for me is to intentionally SLOW DOWN as often as I can but ESPECIALLY when I notice things start to become rapid like my talking or my thoughts, or when I feel like I can't sit still. This creates the sensation of wanting to jump out of my skin. I'm developing the discipline to overcome this and so the work is working but it has been HARD.

I am, however, still enjoying the fruits of my labor, like more time with my family, emotional intelligence and self regulation, more productivity, less hustle, more alignment and focus. I'm not perfect and every second must be intentional or I can feel my body speeding back up to catch up with the old baseline and tempo. I also still get distracted easily and try to go back to what I was originally doing as often as I catch myself off track.

It's been interesting to say the least and there's been A LOT of growth and progress because of it. Just thought I'd share my experience with in a more in depth and personal way. I hope you're watching each day's behind the scenes videos because I give so much insight to my journey day to day and what the process is like in real time. I hope sharing my side of things has been helpful and insightful for you. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experience!

📌P.S. If you haven't started the challenge yet, YOU MUST. There are no prerequisites, I say just jump in! It's been AMAZING and SO unreal. Click HERE to begin.

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I want to jump out of my skin...