Go get your butt kicked-why your critics are not the ones who count...

Jun 2 (edited) • Not all who wander are lost🏞️

A central theme in Brown's work is inspired by a Theodore Roosevelt quote "The Man in the Arena". Legitimately one of my favorite quotes and one that I return to often...mainly because I need the reminder. I need the reminder more often than I'd like to admit...

The core idea is that the critic does not count; credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, doing the damn thing and getting their ass kicked in the process. Courage is defined by showing up and being seen when the outcome is uncertain rather than by achieving a perfect result.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐚 (Guarantee of Failure-oh the joy of failure)

-If you choose to be brave and show up in your life or work, you are guaranteed to "𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝" at some point. So....let's fumble forward enthusiastically, yeah?

***failure is an inevitable consequence of courage, the critic’s observation of that failure is technically accurate but morally irrelevant to the person striving***

𝐓𝐡𝐞 FOUR 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

There are 4 seats in the "arena" that are always occupied:

𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞: The "gremlin" that tells you "you're not enough" or "Who do you think you are"

𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲: "The voice asking what you are contributing that is original or if your work even matters

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧: The nightmare of looking at others' work to judge your own value (rather than to inspire) (thief)

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜: specific seat reserved for a parent, a teacher, or a "shitty ex-coworker", spouse, 'frenemy', basically someone we value in some way.

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤

If a critic is not also in the arena/has not been in the arena "getting their ass kicked," their feedback should be eyed carefully. If a critic is sitting in the "cheap seats" (they're not putting their reputation or heart on the line; they're staying safe and small; they're afraid that you won't serve the same role for them), be cautious. The critic is the person who points out how the "strong man stumbles" but they are not the ones who actually risk failure or there's a dependency on you staying in the exact role you have been in because they may have been benefitting and you taking action may require them to change too.....

Instead of trying to silence critics, Brown recommends "reserving a seat" for them-acknowledging their presence ("I see you, I hear you") but refusing to let their messages keep you small/keep you from growing.

Side note: I truly believe that we can learn from everyone in some way. Even if someone is coming from a place of lacking understanding (from the cheap seats), I think that there's still something that can be learned...the goal is not to just get into some kind of bubble/vacuum situation--the goal is to be discerning with what we decide to take in and what's actually worth taking in. :) :)

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐂

The most significant reason critics often "don't count" is that the harshest critic is usually the person in the arena themselves. (that's us, womp womp)

𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐓𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐬 : Brown notes that 99 percent of the time, the critic pointing and laughing is us.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐩: We often "orphan" the parts of ourselves that don't fit an ideal of perfection, leaving only the internal critic behind.

****To overcome this, we must realize that VULNERABILITY (and not the show and tell type either) is the birthplace of the very things we want (love, belonging, and creativity) and that these cannot exist without the risk of being criticized.**** We have to risk rejection in order to have the things we most want/benefit from...

𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐥

Ultimately, critics don't count because the goal is not to win over everyone but rather to align with our own values. Brown argues that if courage is a core value, then showing up is the win, regardless of whether the audience/critics boos us...

She also emphasizes having at least one individual who loves you not for your "armour" or your success, but for your imperfections, to "pick you up and dust you off" when you inevitably fall... Hopefully this is not just a cheerleader but also someone that will call you out on your crap because they're truly FOR you. :)

QUESTION: When was the last time you got your ass kicked but it was sooooo worth it? Who have been your biggest supporters and how did you deal with feedback?

POLL: Where do you spend most of your time?

In the arena-taking risks and learning

Preparing to enter the arena

Watching others from the sidelines

Moving back and forth between all three

Other

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Go get your butt kicked-why your critics are not the ones who count...