Friction during Growth (relationships) · Inspired Life, Empowered Being

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24d (edited) • Not all who wander are lost🏞️

Friction during Growth (relationships)

Growth has an interesting way of creating friction. Quite frankly, it can be a pain in the butt. But...it can be so incredibly rewarding too.

The spaces, routines and sometimes even relationships that once felt comfortable can start to feel restrictive as we change. Sometimes we can think that the growth is actually kind of 'easy' and the hardest part of growth isn't the growing itself but rather it's watching the people around us struggle to adjust to who we're becoming/what we're choosing to spend our time doing. And depending on their reactions (OR our INTERPRETATIONS of their reactions), we can end up feeling threatened and can start feeling defensive. Fight/flight/freeze mode can be activated even though nothing bad is actually happening. Even though good things are happening...and even though good things can happen relationally through the changes.

Not everyone will celebrate our growth but the people that truly want the best for us (and for themselves) will. It doesn't mean that they'll go along with us and it might mean that they'll challenge us, but ultimately, there would be support for our wellbeing. Sometimes change can challenge someone else's expectations, expose their own discomfort, or changes a dynamic they've grown accustomed to. It changes the unspoken agreements that exist in relationships. It can challenge the status quo and that can feel threatening but that's a normal part of change. We can't just assume that others will automatically jump on the bandwagon just because we say so. We can't expect that just because we think a change is important that others will think so too. Growth often requires a renegotiating of relationships to some extent. It doesn't mean abandoning them and it does mean giving some grace to others as they process what's happening and as they see how the change fits their lives. They're allowed to have their own feelings about the changes too.

One of the better ways of going about this is learning to hold two truths at once (yay dialetics): staying committed to your own development while remaining compassionate toward those affected by it. This doesn't mean that you just give up the change or have others dictate the change, it just means that we consider others as we navigate it. If you're in a committed relationship this becomes a point that can't be skipped if you want the relationship to survive and thrive.

In important relationships, (e.g. marriage; certain friendships; etc) alignment matters. A lot. But perfect synchronization is unrealistic and sometimes this is where friction can happen... There will be seasons where one person is growing faster, changing direction, or asking deeper (or different types of) questions. The goal isn't to grow at the same pace (though that may be of high benefit) but rather it's to stay curious about each other, communicate HONESTLY, and keep choosing the relationship while making room for individual growth. It would also be VERY helpful if growth is happening in the same direction though....

Some relationships won't survive the changes and the grwoth. :( Others will deepen as a result of it. The difference often comes down to whether both people are willing to adapt to who each other are becoming, rather than insisting on who they used to be.

We don't lose people....we grow...and sometimes some of the relationships don't come along with us.

***Let love lead*** (real love for self and others) :)

**Note to self for future post: Don't confuse movement with growth. Sometimes the pushback we're facing is an opportunity to assess and discern appropriate direction***

𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐋: 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡?