I was doing a little writing today for the initiate men book I am co-writing. I took a dive into what the stages of manhood could look like for each one of us as boys turning into men. The Path of Manhood Manhood happens in stages. Some men define a moment or two in their life that formed them into the man they are today. Other men have been through a specific series of steps and training to get them ready for manhood journey. Taking a page out of history, I believe the Middle Ages captured something profound with their understanding of the slave, warrior, knight, and king. Each archetype captures the stages of initiation from boyhood into manhood well: 1. Slave - you serve a master 2. Warrior - you strive after things 3. Knight - you protect a cause 4. King - you steward your kingdom 1. Slave — You Serve a Master “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.” — 1 Corinthians 7:23 “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.” — Romans 6:22 “Before a man can be a true warrior, he must have been a beloved son. Before he can rule, he must have been trained in battle.” — John Eldredge, The Way of the Wild Heart 2. Warrior — you strive after things “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called…” — 1 Timothy 6:12 “Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.” — Psalm 144:1 “The Warrior learns to fight for a cause greater than himself. He is being trained to defend, to protect, and to stand.” — John Eldredge, Fathered by God 3. Knight — you protect a cause “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.” — Psalm 82:3 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” — John 15:13 “Knighthood was all about service, sacrifice, and loyalty to a greater cause. So is authentic manhood.” — Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern-Day Knight

I think it's really important to have ceremonial aspects to manhood beyond just beers in the backyard. I think about the times that my dad took me out and made intentional steps towards teaching me virtue and what it means to be a man. I feel like those ceremonial moments are the ones I remembered the most and carried them with me still to this day. 1. 13th birthday: we went to the adoration chapel close by and spent some time in prayer. We talked about the physical changes I began going through as well as the idea of taking responsibility in life. We then went and grabbed a steak dinner and he gave me a classic shaving kit and scripture. I learned how to shave that night once we got back home. 2. 16th birthday: My dad took me out again and shared with me how to respect women and treat them as I was coming into age. He also went in more depth on for basic tenants of manhood – take responsibility, love sacrificially, lead courageously, and reject passivity. 3. 18th birthday. My dad prepared a initiation ceremony with a community of men closest to me. I walked up a mountain, reflected on virtue of manhood, and was anointed with oil in front of all the men. This was a very defining moment for me where the community of men recognized the choice I made to choose manhood for my life. There was no confusion after that moment of whether or not I was a man. These are just a few ceremonial moments in my life that my dad intentionally set up for me. These moments I will never forget. Even if you didn't have moments like these, there are still defining moments for you and your life. Question: What stories do you hold onto that remind you of who you are as a man?

What has been your experience? Many of us have small or large experiences of being initiated into a higher stage of manhood. For example, at the age of 12, my dad gave me a hunting knife.

The journey to manhood can be a rocky one. Without the help of real men to show the way, “boys” can get lost and confused about what it means to be a man and what is required to transform into one. We need better role models and better lived examples of manhood so that boys can grow up with a clearer and better understanding of how to become a man. At some point in a boy’s life, there forms a desire to be a man. They become thirsty to prove themselves beyond doubt that they have what it takes to live adventure and make a way in the world. They crave recognition and approval from the men in their life. Secretly, whether the boy knows it or not, he wants to become like his dad or male role models. When the boy gets to this critical place in life, there comes a time where he must decide what to do. Does he make the choice to become like the men in his life? Does he forge ahead into the unknown and see what he can make of himself? Does he rebel and/or resort to what’s comfortable? These decisions can come at anytime in the boy’s life. They can happen at a young age or after a time. The main thing is that this “decision crossroads” does happen many times in every boy’s life, whether you like it or not. The key is learning to recognize it and guide it when it does happen. You may not be able to tell when the boy starts making these decisions at first. It’s not a once and done process. The boy will make many “manhood defining decisions” throughout is life that will reinforce the narrative he begins to choose early on. It is possible to reverse the story later in life, but it will take a much bigger intervention and much harder growth if you don’t start guiding them earlier in life. Boyhood In Stages Understanding the stages of boyhood is important for a number of reasons. First, you want to make sure you aren’t forcing their manhood development too early. A young boy needs much nurturing and care from his mother as well as his father. Starting the manhood process too early isn’t helpful to the boy’s development. At about age 13, puberty is most likely happening and the natural progression of masculine development is underway. This a great time to introduce the idea of what manhood is at a simple level and encourage the boy to start thinking about his life as a man.