2d (edited) • General discussion
Opening Excerpt — Would You Keep Reading?
I’m working on a literary institutional thriller and testing whether the opening creates tension, clarity, and voice. I’m mainly interested in whether you would keep reading. It’s open to all, so I’ll keep it brief and share only the opener and first two paragraphs.
SUMMER 1974
I am ten when the bells begin at six, their toll rolling across the hills in uneven bursts while I lie still, listening for the spaces between them. Something tight forms with the first bell and settles into a rhythm beyond my control. The Pentax comes with me when I leave the house, its leather case striking my chest, the strap drawing across the back of my neck. Wet from the night, every blade of grass leans in the same direction. From the edge of the drive, bells diminish beyond trees. The church tower rises above the branches, its outline unchanged as daylight gathers. Stone fills the viewfinder as I bring the lens into place.
Vertical lines converge. Click. Whirr. Again. Click. Whirr.
A bird crosses the upper edge. I compensate.
Click.
Church shoes press into the gravel.
“Good, Donald. You kept time.” My mother's attention passes from the camera to me and back to the camera. At the passenger door, her hand takes the strap. Leather draws across my shoulder. As the camera clears my chest, heat remains where it touched. “Today, abstain.”
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Opening Excerpt — Would You Keep Reading?
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