Vacation used to mean mental shut down.
Today I had a very full day. It included kids school activities, baking cookies for relatives, packing and leaving on a trip. There was necessary communication with someone who has a difficult history with me that has often caused a negative physical response in my body just to know that I will see them. It wasn't impossibly draining to be with this person. One kid told me last minute that they weren't going. Along the way I took note that things are a lot different in my brain that they were a few short months ago. I remember what it was like for my brain to shut down at just one of a number of these challenges. Its so different now. I had the confidence and clarity, enough to handle a navigation problem while driving, something that would have previously been dangerous or impossible. I made some key decisions without getting paralysis. I just slowed down the process a bit. Yes I really was once that stressed about so many things . Yes this really is changing my life. But this isn't a new me that won at therapy by finally powering through or something. 😂 It's more like the real me that was always there. I just have access to the best in me again, and I don't have to live with the progressively debilitating weight of continual mental torture. I still have problems. I still find new areas of me that need to come home within my being for support. But that support is always there waiting for me. Jesus was there the entire time when I felt disconnected from myself and from the Divine. I am learning to reconnect. I am learning experiencially that there is no separation.
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Vacation used to mean mental shut down.
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