21d • General discussion
Twin Flame Connection Isn’t Intensity - It’s Nervous System Truth
Learning how to love a woman is how I learned how to love me,
Have you ever sat and let yourself truly sit with how you feel in your body especially the relationship we all develop to our own nervous system which is something so essential to how we learn love and it’s flow of connection it can create..
Yeah! That is profound if you truly let yourself sit with it what that could mean to you in your life… took me awhile to learn to speak from these feelings in my body.. my mind made too much noise..
I never really learned love until I developed a relationship with my pain.. I stayed in it long enough to get to the other side of it.. where a beautiful teaching from pain love began again and I guess by again I have to speak from here..… 4 yr old me.voice… I had a mom and dad who dreamed big and loved hard and that is how I got here right outside of Hickory in Caldwell County Hospital October 17th, 1969. As god would have it 3:16 am I breathed for the first time in this world.. filled with love and connection.. I suppose we all come into the world that way without judgement.. Life is celebrated in entry as it should be in exit which is the scary part.. we make it sadness when it should be the love fest of everything we experienced in our nervous systems together..
Why the look back… because the in between is where it all got messy.. because we lose connection and learn the roles and responsibilities of relationships.. you know… Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter, Cousin, husband, wife, mistress, roles roles and more roles.. all of which require self judgement to exist within and ask yourself if you even FEEL good enough for any of it…..and try and find something you can stay in and tolerate enough to like yourself through..
I was in the mess of it.. not seeing myself live a life of playing out the very wounds around me as a child play out in my life.. I learned somethings that really had no parental guidance or connection to what my nervous system was experiencing starting with the love disappearing when I was 6 yrs old… the time line in which I could love someone exposed.. sad part is I didn’t have to be in their life to love them.. learned from what I experienced watching the love that created me rip apart believing through no voice from this hurt that this was my life.. I was a serial cheater from these events for life cheated me out of a true connection I felt upon getting here…
Then in 2005.. God said FEEL this…The girl who lost her words…..or so I thought.. yet FELT HER SPEAKING… We met or collided or merged or experienced a presence that inside this bubble an eternal flame rose between us that we were in.. time meant nothing… FEELING….. this was new.. this was something I definitely FEEL something.. and it only kept happening with Sherry. We were connected.. my nervous system was in heaven in her presence. It’s almost as though.. I was seeing myself in her and her inside of me.. she could see all my choices, all my faults, most of all that I wasn’t a great man..at least this is what my minds translation was activating within me that of the trigger effect of A Dark Night Of The Soul emerged…. I was shattered if not disconnected from any being that was trying to emerge with her.. It was so strong that when we finally got intimate. As soon as it was over she said she had things to do and I had to go..
2 yrs passed……..
2007… I realized what I FEEL has been missing.. change started to happen all around me.. the company I work for is downsizing and merging … my job changes… I go into a darker side of retail.. Work in Big Box Retail.. all the while.. I find my way back to communication with Sherry in August of 2007.. I remember it cause I couldn’t shake feeling her this whole time.. The girl who lost her words.. Yet every time I said it.. Inside I could hear her voice.. like she was living inside with me.
Ok… this pause here is because even as I write it.. the energy is ever present in me now.. and I can speak so clearly about what this connection is…
We saw each other a few times and I came somewhat clean about my life and what was there or not there.. I did keep some very important information away from her about how I lived my life.. she could FEEL that and I could hear her say something different inside that accepted that I didn’t know how to trust her and that she was patient and had incredible patience.. we both were seeing others.. I however realized I wanted whatever this is.. I didn’t want to call it a relationship.. cause it wasn’t that…. It was something REAL.. when you finally FEEL you understand that real doesn’t need any judgements added if not to include or exclude fucking REAL! We kept seeing each other all the while living lives apart until… well until..
I felt her get pregnant.. I said I don’t know how I know you are pregnant… I felt it.. I felt the conception.. I felt it when it happened on Thanksgiving morning of 2007… and within 2 weeks she found out she was pregnant… I said come be with me.. we can raise the baby… she said she needed TIME to think…
What I wasn’t aware of was that Sherry and Ron had married when I returned to her…
Relationships lie….
No matter the relationship it is bound by the rules of judgement in any way.. we are good, we are happy, never equate to we are connected… and I mean connected nervous system to nervous system.. it is real.. we are living it.. we just got lost on a detour cause someone created twin flames to hide that human being to human being connection that is real and rarely ever talked about or documented for truth! it has everything to do with the love you don’t even realize you don’t have access to.. you are taught to be without a nervous system and know what it can do.. it can connect you to the one you love… can you imagine what it’s like..
Well what if I tell you she knows when I am hungry…. I could be in another state… I could be having sex with someone she can feel while it’s happening… some entanglement if you are in you mind.. yet if you are connected to your nervous system you can learn so much about what your body was meant to.. we are not separate as human beings.. we all are.. we learned too much human and not enough BEING…
BEING….
Now so yeah… those effects where happening full swing.. I couldn’t remove it..l I tried.. I tried to be connected to someone I wanted to love.. I could not remove this.. CONNECTION…
The summer of 2008 Kameron came into the world.. a child of connection without knowing how connection is.. I felt his birth that day… and even whispered his name before I even heard from her what it was.. It’s funny the security guy Chad was standing next to me and I said Kameron… and he said that’s my middle name.. I said him..so which is it.. is my nervous system allowing me to connect or isn’t it??? Yeah answers like these were hard to solve without us being together to really communicate what was happening individually.
November 6, 2008
I woke that morning and wrote the blog that started a Wordpress journey for Clark Ken. My childhood hero..… The Vessel was written after 7 am that morning.. Vulnerability is what awoke me that morning.. during the time my mother was having a massive pulmonary attack..and somehow our connection to her nervous system hit me and my brother both.. I was writing cryptic then.. as anything trying to translate connection in this world would have a hard time doing.. at this time I had read numerous times and listened to numerous times Eckart Tolle’s Power of Now. I was searching for answers though a 3 yr dark night of the soul.
Through this book I was able to rewrite my minds identity for me.. I was able to break it into parts and slow if not stop all the actions I was living within.. I was something different after this date.. As that morning right behind the election my mother told us she would never see the day A black man would become president. She didn’t wake up to ever hear the news.. My brother found her that morning.. found her and called 911 and called me right after and told me to get to the hospital.. I FELT all of this.. still do! After finally seeing her.. I walked out of the hospital and looked at the sky lost.. Looking down and after 3 months of silence.. Sherry was calling my phone! I looked and it was exactly 11:38 am..that is significant cause that is the time she was born. The first thing she said is WHAT HAPPENED?? She did’t just randomly call she FELT it…
In that moment … There was no denying this anymore.. if it wasn’t a connection I wasn’t in it.. My Mother didn’t make it.. and when I spoke at the funeral no one could understand anything I said.. yet in the very back fresh from the dentist having 2 root canals.. was Sherry.. she didn’t stick around but it is the only hug I truly felt that day.. I don’t know how else to say it.
Love like this is real.. and it is not about what you have been through as that isn’t loves path…
If you paid attention to your own nervous system how much love do you think you might have for another who feels it just like you do.. and what would than enable you to feel in another. There is a connection their just in making it more important of what they think of themselves.. cause I can show you something real simple as your own truth for yourself.
If you developed a connection to your own nervous system would you learn how to love from there?
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Twin Flame Connection Isn’t Intensity - It’s Nervous System Truth
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