23d • General discussion
"look how happy we are here, in the world our inner children made"
How do you shine your authentic light brightly without letting your fear get the better of you?
I've been in a phase the last couple of weeks where I feel like I've really been speeding up my journey of opening up. I'm becoming more authentic, and I feel much better, I know what my next steps are... The world keeps asking while I'm still a little slow...
In the moment I can really feel the right move for me,
the right thing to say,
feeling a light of authenticity,
it feels great,
but eventually this other feeling dawns on me,
things shrink in and a panic shoots through me,
of immense regret,
sometimes about things I haven't done yet,
but my mind goes to what the aftermath will be,
It's like I snap out of whatever deeper feeling moved through me,
I now exist in this future potential,
and things go a bit cold,
I want to close up and simply just not bother at all,
I don't want to stand out,
I don't want to create conflict,
I don't want to stand in that uncomfortable spot,
Am I afraid others will challenge me for what I stand for?
that they will argue with me, send me their "attacks"
All while I feel I can't exist, be seen, felt or accepted?
Anyway,
How was it for you in those moments after you really chose to start being more authentic?
I know I could do things gently with myself,
I know I don't need to do it all at once,
I also want to be careful I don't use that to hold myself back,
because it's easy when the first step can feel so incredibly uncomfortable.
It hit me one day, the fear of taking a leap, be it speaking up - or jumping into the ocean,
it's the same feeling,
maybe my body is just not used to holding that feeling of the initial "jump",
The idea hit me, what if I just spend some time this summer practicing jumping into the ocean?
It could help me get used to that feeling.... Of the leap,
The deep water makes me feel uncomfortable,
so it could work,
I don't like that I can't see the bottom,
you simply don't know what to expect,
this great unknown catching you,
How did you choose your bravery?
How did you make space or prepare yourself to hold whatever comes up?
How do you stand firmly for your truth without bending or backing down?
All while avoiding the temptation of getting into a fight about who is right, and who is wrong...
Maybe there is a part of me that is hyper-focused on the potential people that won't understand me,
instead of realizing so many do, that even to this point there have been many who have shared my sentiment,
I know that if I speak from my heart I can move others...
I had a funny dream where I was talking in front of a small audience,
I talked from my heart and the audience was moved,
many cried... At that moment I felt a bit weirded out,
what was going on? geez....
I started to question what crazy group of people I had surrounded myself with.
But I kinda knew, it did feel truth when I spoke it...
maybe this is just one of those things I need to get used to...
that people can feel and be moved by what you feel,
to end this long post,
I wonder if it's really just me feeling uncomfortable with my own feelings,
that it's me who has a hard time standing up for them, on the inside,
so when I meet external opposition, it's like I get folded,
but the crease was already there,
they just add the pressure and I fold right into my own pattern.
Feel free to reply with whatever you feel you want to talk about,
Since I'm not really sure what this post is :)
If anything I just wanted to open up a little,
all while making a little room for sharing and exploring.
"We can be ourselves now
Go ahead, be foolish
No one's on the clock now
Lying in this simple moment
You don't gotta worry now
Just let your hair down"
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2 comments
"look how happy we are here, in the world our inner children made"
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