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2h • General discussion
who did you have to BE…?
Who did you have to be as a kid to receive the love or approval of mom and dad?
Perfect? Quiet? A pleaser? Self reliant?
This right here is one of the biggest shifts I see people have in coaching or at live events
The roles we took on as a kid become the subconscious identity as an adult
For me I adopted a role of “pleaser” due to having a controlling hard to please step mom
If I could ease tension I could feel “safe”
My dad had that pattern too and modeled it by not challenging or being assertive in his relationship
For me to break this pattern I had to become “BAD” to the old role
To be “good” meant to abandon myself, to make others happy, etc
BAD was being selfish, expressing my emotions, setting boundaries, etc
For me to create this SHIFT…
I had to lean into tension and express the real me
I had to take on the values of "authenticity" and “vulnerability”
I had to catch my desire to ease other people's tension and let them sit with it knowing it is theirs not mine to manage
This tension became the initiation into a new me
Years ago as I started this shift I had to reconnect to certain friends to express how I felt
I had to be honest moving forward over wanting approval
It resulted in self respect, self acceptance and feeling safe inside of my own body
And the crazy thing… as a result others respected me as a reflection
I was able to go deeper with people and felt more connected to myself and THEM
Yes some people fell out of my life as a result of this authenticity… and in their place other relationships and friendships formed
It's all a part of the process :)
What role are you letting go of or becoming aware of?
What would be a way of leaning into the tension of breaking that pattern?
And who would you be without that pattern?
Remember, it's a pattern… NOT you :)
Talk to you soon,
Aaron (you’re the SOUL not the ROLE) Doughty
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who did you have to BE…?
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