The Ultimate Guide to STOP OVERGIVING and attracting Toxic People

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I used to overgive to those around me…

My time, my energy, “helping people” etc

I would rationalize it even when it meant abandoning myself

Examples of this in my life including holding space for people at the expense of my own energy, overgiving with my time with tolerating people who were draining and even overgiving with what I share on Youtube and social media

For years I believed I had to create daily content to GIVE myself to those that watched me

At the core of this giving was a subconscious pattern I was failing to see…

That pattern was the belief that “IF I overgive… people won't leave me”

If I make daily videos on Youtube people will value me, if I abandon myself to hold space for people then they will appreciate me… etc

It’s rooted in a wound of codependency

Having a controlling step mom as a kid had conditioned me to associate connection and acceptance what what I could provide and DO for others

Even if that meant abandoning ME

Because as a kid… my feelings did not matter

To survive I had to tune to an emotionally chaotic person and anticipate their every move

To break this pattern I had to first become aware of the pattern

I had to catch myself and question WHY am I doing this?

What am I avoiding by staying in this pattern?

And am I responsible for other peoples emotions?

What if when I felt the urge to overgive… I caught myself and tapped into my body first?

What is motivating this urge?

Wanting approval? Validation? To be needed?

Are there really no strings attached to this or do I want something from the person I am overgiving to?

Here are 3 ways I broke the pattern

I let go of normalizing nonreciprocal relationships and created balance

Relationships that weren't balanced where I would GIVE at the expense of myself…

I had to take ownership of this patterns and instead of BLAMING them… I had to acknowledge that people treat me the way I treat me and the way I tolerate

This meant having conscious conversations with people and sharing how I felt with the intentions of a new way of relating that felt good

Instead of absorbing any tension they felt when I expressed myself I saw it as theirs to manage and feel

Instead of being “nice” I focused on being “authentic”

Being nice is manipulative.

The belief is…

I will be “nice” and pleasant to you and in exchange you will validate me or like me.

Instead of being nice I focus on being authentic and real

Sometimes this means being kind and giving unconditionally and sometimes it means being honest and firm

Once I started being real people respected me more because well…

I respected myself more.

When you like you and you respect you because you aren’t abandoning yourself, you are attractive

Then when you give its from a full cup and with NO attachments…. It’s not to meet a need

I created safety in myself by tuning inside my body more and set boundaries for safety

This alone will change your life

Feel the space between you and the walls, you and people in your life

Realize when people project onto you, this is THEIR stuff to manage, not yours

This makes setting boundaries easier too

Which is another way to feel safe within yourself

If you have the courage to set boundaries and protect YOU, you will respect you more and feel safe

It’s okay to say no, it's okay to express yourself and it’s okay to let people feel what THEY feel without taking responsibility for it

At the deepest core of this transformation is the inner child work tied to it

Connecting to the inner child who feels they must GIVE in exchange for love

Let them know they are worthy for being not for doing

I have a whole process that can help you do the DEEP inner child work that will change your life from the inside out

There is a whole section in my signature process called High Vibe 101 that comes with meditations to shift the patterns

And heal the relationship to the mother father and inner child

I don’t have the course open right now however since you are reading to the end of this email you can get the invite here https://www.theshiftexperience.com/high-vibe

Anyways hope I didn’t OVERGIVE in this post!

But if I did will you like me FOREVER??

Jk lol

Talk to you soon

Much love,

Aaron

P.s if you want to join my signature process to stop overgiving, heal childhood patterns, feel worthy whole and complete and to remove the blocks to love and being magnetic…

since you read this whole post check it out here https://www.theshiftexperience.com/high-vibe

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