Outside Perspectives Needed 🙏

I isolated from my family back in April to help understand myself better and to get away from the negative feelings they kept bringing up. I wanted to feel their actions were out of love, but their intent felt more controlling. Well yesterday my brother reached out and I decided to put myself into the fire and respond.

I was honest and said I didn't understand his intent, he said it was just to say hi to his sister, but I could feel there was more and couldnt let go of it.

I still moved forward with the conversation and we had, what from the outside world may look like, a good conversation reminiscing about the past. However, many of the details he kept bringing up varied from what we have said in the past and it put me in a hyperintense state that was harder and harder to get out of as the conversation progressed. It brought up my memory issues from when my brain shut down and the issues I have around family who, while my brain was shutting down, thought it would be a good idea to intently throw my fears back in my face to try to help me accept them.

Me being the honest person I am, I told him that I really couldn't understand his intent with reaching out and bringing up the past and that it was too much for me.

Then today, I got a text from him that said he just wanted to say hi to his sister didn't understand why I was being so so difficult and that I shouldn't bother responding bc he's not going to talk to me for a long, long time.

His message reminded me why I had to isolate and I instantly went into defense mode and wanted to rebut, but I didn't. I told him he should do whatever he feels he needs to and I left it at that. However, now the feelings are lingering and I can't figure out why.

I know he made me feel baited and belittled for a response and that his actions remind me of our parents, but I can't figure out how to accept and let it pass. I am able to calm down and move on temporarily but it keeps raising its ugly head.

Any advice?

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