And how exhausted you feel afterwards?
That constant inner voice telling you to do better, try harder, be different.
I’ve spent years thinking that voice was motivation. That it was discipline. That it was what kept me going.
What I’ve learned is that it does the opposite.
Self-criticism isn’t just a mindset thing.
It does something very real to your nervous system.
When I’m harsh with myself, my body doesn’t hear “do better.”
It hears I’m not safe as I am.
And that keeps me tense. On edge. Unable to rest properly.
Even when I stop working, my body doesn’t switch off.
I see this pattern everywhere in my life.
With work. With parenting. With my weight. With rest.
I push myself to do more. Then judge myself for not doing enough.
Then judge myself for resting “wrong.”
Then wonder why I still feel tired.
What finally shifted things for me wasn’t more effort.
It was more safety.
I realised that my nervous system doesn’t respond to pressure.
It responds to tone.
Self-criticism keeps the body in stress.
Self-compassion doesn’t make you lazy, it makes regulation possible.
And regulation is what allows change to happen.
One small thing that helps me when I catch myself spiralling is this:
Hand on my chest.
Slow breath in.
Long breath out.
And quietly saying:
“I’m allowed to be human.”
I’m not trying to fix my thoughts.
I’m just changing the message my body is receiving.
Because growth doesn’t happen from being harsher.
It happens when we feel safe enough to soften.
Notice how you speak to yourself today.
Does your body tense or settle?
A reflection for you: If I spoke to myself the way I speak to someone I love, what might change?