1d • The Boardroom
CHAPTER 7… IDENTITY DECISIONS: PEOPLE DECIDE BASED ON WHO THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE
MASTERING HOW DECISIONS ARE MADE… A New Effective You.
by Dr. Dave Siefkes.
If you want to understand how people make decisions at the deepest level, you must understand identity. Identity is the story a person tells themselves about who they are. It is the internal image they carry. It shapes what they believe is possible, what they believe they deserve, what they believe they can accomplish, and what they believe they should avoid.
Identity is powerful because the brain is always trying to stay consistent with it. People make decisions that match their identity. They reject decisions that challenge it. They choose the path that aligns with who they believe they are, even if the path limits them.
A person who believes they are cautious will avoid opportunities that require bold action.
A person who believes they are unlucky will dismiss good fortune when it arrives.
A person who believes they are “not the type” for success will sabotage their own progress.
A person who believes they are resourceful will find solutions others miss.
A person who believes they are capable will take steps that intimidate everyone else.
Identity decisions are not logical. They are not conscious. They are emotional and automatic. This is why someone can want a result badly and still hesitate. Their identity has not yet expanded to include the version of themselves who takes that step.
Here is the truth most people never see.
People do not fear the decision. They fear becoming someone different.
Every choice carries a shift in identity. That shift can feel exciting or frightening. People say yes when the new identity feels empowering. They say no when the new identity feels too far from who they believe they are.
You see this everywhere.
An individual who has always struggled financially may hesitate to accept an opportunity that could elevate them. It is not the opportunity they fear. It is the unfamiliar version of themselves who succeeds.
A person who has always been quiet may hesitate to speak up. It is not the words they fear. It is the identity shift that comes with being heard.
A person who has always been skeptical may resist trusting someone, even if the situation is safe. It is not the trust itself they fear. It is the identity shift that comes with letting their guard down.
Humans cling to identity because identity feels safe. Even when the identity is limiting. Even when it holds them back. Even when it prevents them from stepping into a better future.
But here is where influence becomes powerful and ethical.
You are not trying to change someone’s identity. You are trying to expand it.
Great communicators help people see a version of themselves they have not fully recognized yet. They help people step into the identity they already want but do not yet claim. When someone sees themselves as the type of person who can succeed, who can decide, who can take action, who can trust, who can move forward… the emotional resistance dissolves.
Identity answers the most important question behind every decision.
“Is this who I am?”
Or
“Is this who I want to become?”
When the answer is yes, the decision feels natural. When the answer is no, even the best opportunity feels wrong.
You cannot push someone into a new identity. But you can guide them. You can show them their strengths. You can highlight their patterns of success. You can reflect back to them the qualities they already possess but underestimate. When you do this, you create alignment between the decision and the person they want to be.
Identity is the engine of commitment.
Identity shapes confidence.
Identity determines the speed of decisions.
Identity determines whether someone will follow through.
In the next section of this book, we begin the true craft of Engineering Your Close. You will learn how to guide decisions with precision, integrity, and clarity. But none of it works unless you understand identity. It is the deepest trigger in the human mind. Once you understand it, you will see why some people say yes instantly, why others hesitate, and why the same opportunity feels completely different to different people.
Before we move on, hold this truth close.
People decide based on who they believe they are.
Help them see who they can become, and the decision becomes easy.
©️Copyright 2025 Dr. Dave Siefkes
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CHAPTER 7… IDENTITY DECISIONS: PEOPLE DECIDE BASED ON WHO THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE
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