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5d • Tie-Dye Titan Series
Episode 54: The Website Frankenstein
The Adventures of the Tie-Dye Titan, AKA The Digital Outlaw
𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐭, 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝...
It started innocently enough.
"My nephew builds websites. He can do it for $200."
Famous last words.
Six months later, the creature was alive.
Seventeen different fonts. Twelve pop-ups. Stock photos of people who clearly don't work there. A contact form that sends messages into another dimension.
And a homepage that takes longer to load than a government website on dial-up.
𝗜𝗧'𝗦 𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘! 𝗜𝗧'𝗦 𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗜𝗜𝗜𝗜𝗩𝗘!
The Website Frankenstein was terrorizing small businesses everywhere.
Visitors were fleeing. Leads were disappearing. Google wanted nothing to do with it.
Then, through the smoke and flashing error messages, a figure appeared.
𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗜𝗘-𝗗𝗬𝗘 𝗧𝗜𝗧𝗔𝗡!
The Digital Outlaw surveyed the destruction.
"Sweet mother of Google. Who built this abomination?"
"My nephew," whispered the terrified business owner. "He's really good with computers."
The Titan shook his head.
"Lady, knowing how to play Fortnite doesn't make someone a web developer."
With one mighty blow, the Titan smashed the endless pop-ups.
With another, he destroyed the broken navigation.
Then he unleashed his ultimate weapon...
𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗣𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗜𝗭𝗘𝗥!
Clear messaging. Fast loading. Mobile-friendly design. Working contact forms. Calls to action that actually make sense.
The monster collapsed into a pile of broken WordPress plugins.
The business owner stared in disbelief.
"But... my nephew only charged $200."
The Titan adjusted his sunglasses.
"And how much business has that $200 website cost you?"
𝗧𝗢 𝗕𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗨𝗘𝗗...
𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗜𝗚𝗜𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗘𝗗𝗚𝗘 𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗢𝗡
A pretty website that doesn't generate business is just an expensive digital brochure.
A cheap website that drives customers away is even worse.
Before you worry about fancy animations and clever design, make sure your website does five things:
Loads quickly.
Works on mobile.
Clearly explains what you do.
Makes contacting you ridiculously easy.
Turns visitors into leads.
𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍: What's the worst website disaster you've ever encountered? Bonus points if it involved someone's nephew.
𝑁𝑒𝑥𝑡 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐴𝑑𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑇𝑖𝑒-𝐷𝑦𝑒 𝑇𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑛... 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑣𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑎𝑖𝑛, 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑦 𝑜𝑤𝑛𝑒𝑟 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑟 𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒𝑠.
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Episode 54: The Website Frankenstein
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