When we talk about emotional abuse, most people think about relationships. Partners. Families. Individuals. But patterns don’t stay contained to one space. They show up in systems too. Read through these again and ask yourself: Where have I seen this in conversations about race? Gaslighting can sound like: “That didn’t happen.” “You’re overreacting.” Invalidation can sound like: “It’s not that deep.” “You’re being too sensitive.” Blame-shifting: “Why are you making it about race?” Silent treatment: conversations shutting down the moment discomfort shows up Boundary violations: people pushing past clear limits in the name of “debate” or “discussion” Love-bombing and withdrawal: performative support when it’s visible… silence when it’s not This isn’t about calling everything abuse. It’s about pattern recognition. Because when these dynamics show up in conversations about race, they don’t just derail the conversation… they recreate harm. Awareness matters here. Not so we can weaponize it. But so we can interrupt it. That’s part of the work too. images by Dr. Natalya

Values sound good in theory. But in practice? They ask something of us. It’s easy to say: “I value honesty” “I value respect” “I value peace” But honoring those values often looks like: saying the thing sooner leaving situations that don’t align not over-explaining yourself letting people meet you halfway choosing discomfort over familiarity That’s the part people don’t always talk about. Values aren’t just beliefs. They’re behaviors. And sometimes the gap between what we say we value and how we actually show up… is where the real work is. This isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about noticing: Where am I out of alignment? And what would it look like to take one step closer? That’s how values become something you live, not just something you name.

A lot of us learned to recognize emotions in really limited ways. So when shame shows up…we don’t call it shame. We call it: being helpful being nice being responsible being strong being “easygoing” being clear But sometimes… over-explaining is about proving you’re good laughing things off is about avoiding vulnerability fixing everyone else is about not being seen as the problem needing reassurance is about not feeling like enough And sometimes it’s not shame at all. It could be anxiety. It could be fear. It could be overwhelm. It could be a very real need that hasn’t been met. That’s why this part matters: Not guessing. Not labeling too fast. But building the skill to pause and ask: “What am I actually feeling right now?” Because the more accurately we can name what’s happening inside us, the more choice we have in how we respond. That’s the work.

I talk a lot about symptoms, but let's not forget to recognize the signs we are healing too!

I took this course a couple years ago. Highly recommend it! "Santos, the psychology professor behind Yale University’s most popular course, recently launched a free six-week version of the class aimed at teenagers, called “The Science of Well-Being for Teens.” It was developed to address rising rates of anxiety, depression and suicide rates for kids between ninth and 12th grade, Santos says. Lesson No. 1, she preaches in one of the course’s pre-recorded lectures: Our brains lie to us about what makes us happy. “For adults, this may mean pursuing money or success at work, and for teens this might mean focusing on the perfect grades and getting into the best colleges,” Santos tells CNBC Make It. “The problem isn’t that we’re not putting work into feeling better — it’s that we’re doing the wrong things, prioritizing the wrong behaviors.” Instead of focusing on reaching a financial milestone or perfect GPA, aim to program your brain with thoughts and behaviors that make you feel better, Santos recommends. Regularly connecting with friends, taking care of your health and learning how to accept negative emotions all contribute more significantly to your wellbeing than having the right job, car or relationships, she adds in a course lecture. This isn’t Santos’s first foray into democratizing happiness. She hosts a podcast called “The Happiness Lab,” and launched a free online course for adults called “The Science of Wellbeing,” which has seen over 4 million enrollments since its 2018 launch. The timing of the teen-specific course, which already has at least 17,000 enrollees, is notable. More than a third of teens self-report experiencing poor mental health, and nearly half feel persistent sadness or hopelessness during the pandemic, according to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey that surveyed participants through mid-2021." Yale University most popular class, on happiness, is free